DENNIS DURBAND

This just in … Philosophy and Anthropology Majors Cancelled at University of Arizona!

March 25, 2005

The departments of philosophy and anthropology have been abolished at the University of Arizona after faculty and students were given their own copies of the Democratic Party’s platform.

The demise of these subdivisions of the Humanist Manifesto, combined with the rumored de-funding of the student newspaper – The Wildcat, will make a nice little dent in the state’s $908 million budget deficit. When looking for areas of overspending by the state, why not go right to the top of the list? Graduates of those departments can still look back fondly on a carefree college experience, even though their diplomas are now worthless. More importantly, they can continue on with the Democrats’ talking points.

Arizona’s anthropology faculty and students dug just long enough to discover the famed “missing link” needed to confirm evolution: the transitional link between apes and Democrats. The philosophy department had a tougher time; its majors had to take their copies of the Democratic platform to the remedial reading department to decode it.

The news is more encouraging at The Wildcat office, where another good crop of Democrat-mouthpieces-in-training are learning the ropes. One of the brightest Wildcat prospects is Dan Post, author of the column, “Government Reprehensible in Schiavo Dealings.”

In this latest episode of “Your Humanist Tax Dollars at Work,” we read the sophomoric tirade by Post, an anthropology and ecology major whose computer evolved from a rock.

Post says the Republicans politicized Terri Schiavo’s misfortune (misfortune is my word; it’s not in his vocabulary). Dan, never mind that Republicans have taken a public relations bath for their sympathies with the constitutionally-deprived Ms. Schiavo.

It must be foreign thinking to Post that some people, even Republicans, are actually saddened by the persecution of Ms. Schiavo and her impending court-ordered death sentence. It’s foreign thinking to liberals, who think “politicize things” first and “feign concern for people” second. They assume in error that Republicans process thoughts in the same way.

And The Wildcat wonders why it’s in danger of being “shortchanged” in the state budgeting process for The Humanist Public University at Tucson.

Post expresses skepticism about the existence of a culture war. If there is no culture war, then he must admit that the culture in America prior to Roe v. Wade and prior to Lawrence v. Texas was preferable to the nature of its recent devolution.

The only “Just War Theory” the liberals approve of is the war on Terri Schiavo’s constitutional right to live.

Michael Schiavo has abused his marriage license and used it as a license to kill the woman he shared vows with. He found a judge willing to be complicit with his less than honorable motives. Sympathetic Republicans provide good scapegoating, not to mention cover, for the liberals’ judicial activist poster boys.

In Post’s view, “The national Republicans have infringed upon Michael Schiavo's freedoms.” This could double as an ACLU talking point. Furthermore, Post blabbers on: “When the culture of life takes center stage for purely political purposes, the real issues are ignored. How much more could have been accomplished if Congress and the president focused instead on important issues like the worldwide lack of medical care for the poor?”

If ecologist/Democrats like Dan Post get their way, the culture of life will not survive because most people will be deep-sixed in the womb, the nursing home or every opportunity in between. Post begrudges President Bush’s involvement in the recent Schiavo-inspired federal law, yet criticizes him for not providing worldwide medical care for the poor. Obviously, Post didn’t know that the other 193 nations have their own governments, health care systems – and surprisingly, their own responsibilities. Perhaps Post would prefer that we Americans assume health care costs for the world by working until November to pay taxes instead of merely working to April to start working for the benefit of our own families. And how on Mother Earth could Post have overlooked the United Nations as the savior of the world and its poor?

Democrats and their mouthpieces-in-training on public university student newspapers would have us believe that Terri’s broken bones and Michael Schiavo’s trail of deceit are less important than disproven Republican political motives. Don’t look for Post and the libs to admit any time soon that the GOP-let’s-politicize-Terri memo was a fake. Once again, the PBST – the Pajama Bloggers Swat Team – found them out. Those bloggers always get their liberal man.

Now the bad news. Post will graduate in December and then pursue a career as a high school teacher. Yes, he may one day teach your kids. Imagine every day of the school year is literally Halloween, with teachers like that. If this isn’t enough to make you call the governor and legislature in support of vouchers, I don’t know what is. Look for Post to start an after-school Ecology and I Hate Republicans Who Sympathize with Dying Women Club, too. In fact, he’ll write up their club news in the school paper. When he’s trying to repay tens of thousands of dollars in college loans, he will no doubt enjoy watching his paycheck shrivel up to provide health care for Belize, Ghana, Laos, Latvia and dozens of other nations. That’s good beer money for liberals. Maybe the Nature Conservancy will do us all a favor and hire Post as a backcountry guide where he can tell wealthy donors he likes to help people.

Dennis Durband is publisher and editor of The Arizona Conservative, is also a freelance writer and webmaster and a longtime journalist. He is willing to speak at The Humanist Public University at Tucson for a slice of strawberry pie, after the address rather than a whipped cream pie like that "given" to Ann Coulter.

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