Viewers who may have been puzzled by the Democratic debate’s final question to Senator Hillary Clinton (D-N.Y.) got an interesting explanation from the Cable News Network. At the end of the debate, Maria Luisa, a UNLV student, asked Hillary Clinton whether she preferred “diamonds or pearls.” After
being inundated with criticisms over the “frivolous” nature of her question, Luisa revealed that CNN instructed her to ask the question.

“Every single question asked during the debate by the audience had to be
approved by CNN,” Luisa said. “When my turn came, they forced me to ask the
frilly question instead of the one about the Yucca Mountain nuclear waste
repository I really wanted to ask. Now, I’m just embarrassed.”

Presidential rival Senator Barack Obama (D-Ill.) accused CNN of “lobbing a
softball to help her look good.”

CNN spokeswoman, Shirley Paltry denied Obama’s accusation. “To a man like
Senator Obama this may look like a ‘softball’ question,” Paltry said. “But
to the women of America it is very salient. Men just cannot grasp the
importance of achieving the right look. Luckily for them, they can rely on
their wives for guidance. Hillary, on the other hand, has to make these
kinds of decisions herself. The women of America will understand the
importance of the question and appreciate the skill with which Hillary
answered it.”

Former senator John Edwards (D-N.C.) agreed that the question was worthy, but said it should have been directed to him. “I think the voters can see that I
am best qualified to answer such a question,” Edwards asserted, adding that
“it’s also a good metaphor for my ‘two Americas’ message.”

Clinton Campaign Defends Planted Questions

Democratic presidential frontrunner Senator Hillary Clinton’s campaign was
forced to admit that it has been planting questions at her public
appearances. Clinton campaign spokesman Mo Elliethee admitted that the
campaign has been regularly planting questions, but defended the practice.

“Let’s face it, too few of the people at these events are smart enough to
formulate a coherent question,” Elliethee claimed. “The Democratic Party’s
constituency is over-weighted toward the ill-informed and under-educated. If
they could hack it they wouldn’t need the government programs the candidates
are devising to help them.”

To bolster his argument, Elliethee recounted the time in 1992 when a
questioner asked then presidential candidate Bill Clinton whether he
preferred “briefs or boxers.” “If we leave the questions up to the average
person we’re taking a big chance,” Elliethee warned. “I mean, what’s Senator
Clinton going to do when some goofball asks her whether she prefers ‘guys or
gals?’”

In related news, both openly-gay members of Congress have endorsed Hillary
Clinton for president. Representative Tammy Baldwin (D-Wis.), the only
acknowledged lesbian in the House, endorsed Clinton months ago. This week
Representative Barney Frank (D-Mass.), the only admitted homosexual man currently serving in congress, came out for Clinton. “Senator Clinton has always been a staunch advocate for homosexual rights,” Frank said. “She understands
our needs like she was one of us.”

Saudi Court Stiffens Rape Victim’s Punishment

An appeals court in Saudi Arabia has ruled that the sentence handed down to
a rape victim by a lower court last year was too lenient. The “too lenient”
punishment was a sentence of 90 lashes for a Saudi woman who was abducted
and gang-raped.

“The appropriate penalty for the woman’s infraction is a minimum of 200
lashes and six-months in prison,” said Muhammed al-Nhutjiab, Chief Justice
for the court. “Ninety lashes would be sufficient for a simple case of
immorality, but this woman allowed not one, but six men to have sex with
her. An offense of such gross magnitude cries out for the severest of
sanctions allowed by law.”

In addition, Abdurrahman al-Lahem, the woman’s lawyer, had his license
confiscated for questioning the court’s verdict. “Mr. Lahem has intruded
alien concepts into the case in direct contradiction to Islamic law,”
Nhutjiab said. “Just because this woman was forcibly overpowered and raped
by six men does not relieve her of responsibility for her failure to
maintain her obligation of chastity. Lahem’s contention that she is a
‘blameless victim’ is without merit. For that, he must be punished.”

Mexicans Harassed in U.S. Says Calderon

Mexican President, Felipe Calderon, denounced “the growing harassment” of
Mexicans in the United States. “They’re treating our people like outsiders
who have no right to be there,” Calderon complained. “They are arresting
them, deporting them, denying them their basic human rights.”

Calderon cited the recent flap over New York Governor Eliot Spitzer’s
proposal to grant illegal immigrants driver’s licenses as “an example of the
lengths to which the American right wing will go for political advantage.
Here was a simple plan to ensure that Mexicans’ human rights to drive and
vote would not be denied because of lack of documentation. Yet, Governor
Spitzer was forced to withdraw it due to racism and prejudice.”

Calderon called on leading anti-immigration politicians to “accept the
reality of Mexican migration and adjust to it.” “The US is like a tempting
fruit on a low branch,” Calderon said. “We are going to pick that fruit.
They have no right to stop us. We cannot be stopped.”

Calderon suggested that rather than invest in “useless fences” and “police
brutality” that Americans adapt by learning to speak Spanish. “It is a
beautiful language,” Calderon said. “It is their future.”

U.N. Declares U.S. Broadcasts to Cuba Illegal

Delegates to the United Nations’ World Radio Communication Conference 2007 declared Radio and Television Marti’s broadcasts to Cuba illegal. The
conference, which was organized by the U.N. International Telecommunications
Union, approved a series of resolutions condemning the actions of the U.S.
Office of Cuba Broadcasting.

The resolutions followed a complaint from Castro’s government that the
broadcasts “are interfering with our right to protect our people from
capitalist lies.” “This programming has not been approved by our
 government,” a spokesman for the Castro regime asserted. “It contradicts
our government’s message—sowing doubt and mistrust—undermining confidence in
the socialist revolution.”

Radio and Television Marti was created through the U.S. Radio Broadcasting
to Cuba Act of 1983 and began transmission in May 1985. The signals are
beamed to Cuba six days a week from an aircraft at an annual cost of about
$6 million.

Senator Kerry Accepts Challenge

Senator John Kerry (D-Mass.), whose 2004 presidential campaign was dogged by critics of his Vietnam War record, said he has personally accepted
billionaire Texas oilman T. Boone Pickens’ offer to pay $1 million to anyone
who can disprove even a single charge of the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth.

“While I could show that everything they said about me was a lie, I will be
merciful and merely refute the one charge Mr. Pickens requires for payment,”
Kerry announced.

Kerry said the charge he will refute is that he is a “lying weasel” (Mustela
kathiah). “I am a human being,” Kerry insisted. “A simple DNA test will
verify that. The money is as good as mine.”

City Rejects Boy Scouts Aid for Troops

A Cambridge Massachusetts Boy Scout troop was baffled by a city official’s
rejection of their donation of care packages for U.S. troops in Iraq.
Cambridge officials objected that the Scouts’ donation was “political.”

“Look, the Boy Scouts are a homophobic organization,” said Richard Dickman,
Community Relations Director for the city. “For us to have accepted their
donation would have entailed an implicit endorsement of their hateful
agenda.”

Dickman also contended that “supporting the troops like these Scouts are
trying to do is not ‘politically neutral.’ It’s saying we are taking one
side over another in the Iraq conflict. The City is against this war. We
cannot sanction any act that might prolong it.”