Obama’s rival for the Democratic nomination, Senator Hillary Clinton (N.Y.) asserted that “while I do not agree with Senator Obama’s appeasement approach, I think it is improper for a ‘lame-duck’ president to commit the nation to policies that could bind a subsequent administration.”

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) fumed that “Bush is undermining my hard work. I went to these people on ‘bended knee.’ I wore the Hijab to symbolize willingness to submit. We were gaining traction toward peace for our time. This partisan attack on Democratic policies is beneath the dignity of the office of the president.”

McCain campaign spokesman Tucker Bounds called Obama’s reaction “hysterical.” “The guy has really ‘stepped in it’ this time,” Bounds chortled. “Here we have the President making a perfectly reasonable remark to the Jewish people who were nearly exterminated by a war brought on by a policy of appeasement and Obama goes ballistic. Such passion in defense of appeasement is a stunning revelation of what an Obama Administration portends for this country.”

Outrage at the President’s speech wasn’t confined to his domestic political opponents. Muhammad Barakei, a Muslim member of the Israeli parliament called the remarks “tantamount to a declaration of war. Hitler was one of the great visionaries of the 20^th century. Bush’s insult of him can only fan the flames of hostility toward America for its efforts on behalf of the Zionist conspiracy to conquer the world.”

Senate Refuses to Open Alaskan Refuge for Oil Exploration

The United States Senate rejected a Republican proposal to open one-hundredth of one-percent of the Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR) for oil exploration. Fifty Democrats were joined by a half-dozen Republican senators in the 56 to 42 vote against the measure.

“Preserving the frigid sterility of this wilderness must take precedence over a scheme to feed Americans’ gluttony for energy,” asserted Debbie Dullerd of the Alaska Wilderness League. She characterized the need for fuel as “temporary.” “The human species won’t last forever,” Dullerd declared. “It makes no sense to place its interests ahead of the rest of the planet.”

“If gasoline costs too much, people can carpool, ride transit or stay home,” she continued. “We’ve raped mother nature long enough. Now, it’s humanity’s turn.”

Close Race Shows Deep Divisions in Democratic Party

The long battle between Senator Barack Obama (D-Ill.) and Senator Hillary Clinton (D-N.Y.) for their party’s presidential nomination has stoked concerns that irreconcilable differences may prevent a unified front in November’s general election. A recent Zogby poll confirmed this fear.

When asked what should be most important in choosing the party’s presidential nominee, 51 percent of Democrats polled said “skin color,” while 49 percent said “sex organs.”

“It’s frustrating,” said Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean. “Each of our two presidential contenders has an irrefutable claim to the office. As a victim of racism, Senator Obama is entitled to the support of every decent American. Giving him the presidency would be a small down payment on the reparations we owe his people.”

“On the other hand, as a victim of sexism, Senator Clinton also has a valid claim on the job,” Dean added. “This poll highlights that fact.”

Dean said the poll reminded him of why he hates Republicans. “If it hadn’t been for Republicans this nation would’ve already had both a woman and an African-American president long ago,” Dean contended. “They’re just plain evil.”

Reading a Book Is Racial Harassment?

Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis student Keith Sampson was charged with “racial harassment” when he was spotted reading Todd Tucker’s “Notre Dame vs. the Klan: How the Fighting Irish Defeated the Ku Klux Klan” while on break from his job as a janitor.

The charge, since dropped after being widely criticized as “idiotic,” was filed by Affirmative Action Office of the university. The affirmative-action officer, who asked that her name be withheld, explained her action. “The fact that the book may have been anti-racist is not the point,” She said. “The fact that he was reading in itself is what is racially insensitive. Literacy is not equally distributed among the races. A white janitor flaunting his reading ability denigrates those who are less fortunate than he is.”

California Court Legalizes Same-Sex "Marriage"

In a 4-3 decision, the California Supreme Court declared same-sex "marriage" legal in the state. The Court’s ruling came in a case filed by gay couples who were married at San Francisco City Hall in 2004, when Mayor Gavin Newsom (D) was issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples. The decision overturns a 2000 voter-approved measure that declared marriage to be a union between a man and a woman.

In the decision, Chief Justice Ron George wrote “The notion that a marriage can only be between a man and woman is outmoded. Times change. Our laws must change with them.”

The opinion also cited a University of California demographic study that forecast a majority homosexual state population by the year 2033. “Inasmuch as research indicates that a majority of the state’s population will eventually be homosexual, it seems prudent that we accommodate this emerging majority by granting them the full rights of citizenship now.” George wrote. “To not do so would establish a precedent that would permit this homosexual majority to outlaw heterosexual marriage.”

Dutch Cartoonist Arrested

Dutch political cartoonist Gregorius Nekschot was arrested on suspicion of violating the country’s so-called “hate speech” laws. It took a police team of 10 to accomplish the apprehension of Nekschot at his home, where he declined to resist arrest, much to the dismay of several of the officers. Police also seized his computer, sketches, CDs, DVDs, pencils, paper and telephone. The presence of several “unclean” comestibles—a can of Spam and a bag of fried pork rinds in his larder was also noted.

Nekschot’s cartoons have mainly mocked leftists and Muslim extremists, though the spokeswoman for his publisher said “any strong ideology is apt to feel the sting of his satirical wit.”

Amsterdam prosecutor Sanne van Meteren said Nekschot’s offense is “a very serious criminal matter.” “Insulting these fanatics endangers everyone,” she said. “To tolerate his actions because of some theoretical ‘freedom of speech’ ideal is to invite mayhem on our entire society.”

The crimes for which Nekschot was arrested could net him up to a year in prison for each count. Prosecutors declined to disclose which of his cartoons instigated the charges. “To name the cartoons involved would be to reiterate the insult and risk a violent response,” van Meteren alleged. “Everyone will have to trust us on this. It’s for their own good.”

The Islamic Jihad in the Netherlands has already issued a death sentence for the cartoonist and his publisher.

Poll Shows Majority of Americans Favor Legalizing Assisted Suicide

A poll conducted by Knowledge Networks found that 66 percent of the 1,100 people responding favored legalizing assisted suicide. The most popular candidates for the procedure according to an open-ended question on the poll were an annoying spouse (23 percent), insane boss (16 percent), nosy neighbor (11 percent), the driver who cut me off (5 percent), unspecified others (11 percent).