Connecticut’s Senator Christopher Dodd (D) is sponsoring legislation that would require all merchants that accept credit cards or electronic payment to forward the details of every transaction to federal regulators. Current law only permits the government to have access to a limited number of targeted transactions as part of law enforcement activities and then only with a court order.

Dodd said his 630-page bill is meant to implement Democratic presidential candidate Senator Barack Obama’s proposed crack down on the irresponsible use of credit. “As Senator Obama says, too many people are spending money they don’t have for things they don’t need,” Dodd announced. “The government’s ability to police these activities and rein-in unwarranted waste of the nation’s resources is hampered by lack of access to information on these transactions. This bill corrects that deficiency.”

How the government would use this information was not explicitly spelled out. “Since we don’t know for sure how best to control individuals’ use of credit, the bill authorizes the IRS to take whatever measures it deems necessary and appropriate to solve this problem,” Dodd explained.

In addition to curbing wasteful spending, the bill also aims to snuff out tax evasion. “A lot of people buying over the Internet or phone aren’t paying sales taxes on their purchases,” Dodd pointed out. “State governments are losing their piece of the action on these sales. This bill will provide the government with the ‘muscle’ to ensure that merchants fork over the money the states demand.”

Sierra Club Endorses Obama

The Sierra Club, one of the nation's most radical environmental organizations, announced its endorsement of Senator Obama (D-Ill.) for president. The Club's executive director, Carl Pope, said, “It’s a ‘no brainer.’ Senator McCain’s recent push for nuclear power and off-shore drilling sealed the deal.”

“Today’s energy shortages and high gasoline prices are the best thing that’s happened for the environment since the Carter Administration,” Pope went on. “People are driving less and learning to do without. Senator Obama understands the importance of this for provoking real change. He will keep prices up and push this country toward a more natural way of life.”

With the price of gasoline over $4 per gallon, urban automobile traffic has declined by one percent over the last year. This small change was hailed by Pope as “a start.” “In Europe, gasoline costs $10 a gallon,” Pope observed. “People there drive less, stay home more and live modestly. If we can achieve the same thing here we’ll be well on our way to the greener world we all want.”

In related news, the Democratic National Committee (DNC) denounced McCain’s energy proposals saying “they do nothing to break Americans of their addiction to mobility.” “We have a ‘window-of-opportunity’ to wean Americans off their proclivity to come and go as they please,” said DNC Chairman Howard Dean. “High fuel prices provide the incentive for people to change their lifestyle. McCain would squander this opportunity by taking measures designed to lower the cost of senseless and excessive travel. It is shameful pandering to irresponsible individualism that contravenes the collective welfare of the whole.”

Obama Reassures Muslim Supporters

Presidential contender Senator Obama moved quickly to reassure his Muslim supporters that the apparent discrimination that occurred at two of his speeches in Michigan “was merely cosmetic and should not be taken as a sign that I do not appreciate the value of their support.”

The charges of discrimination were leveled by the American-Arab Anti-Discrimination Committee (ADC) after Obama campaign workers barred two Muslim women from sitting behind the podium because they did not want the women's headscarves to be seen in photographs or on television. The women were reportedly told they couldn’t sit behind the podium unless they removed their scarves.

ADC President Mary Rose Oakar and ADC National Executive Director Kareem Shora called the incident “disturbing.” “The wearing of the hijab is a symbol of feminine modesty and religious piety,” Shora declared. “We should be working toward a world where all women are as pure and devout as Muslim women, not shunting these exemplars off into the shadows.”

Senator Obama avowed that he understood their concern, but asked that they “please be patient. There will be a proper time and place for such displays after I am president. Right now, it is important that we exercise restraint lest we convey an impression that might strike an alien and unpleasant chord with the American voter.”

McCain Campaign Charged with Racism

Democratic presidential candidate Senator Obama charged that his Republican rival, Senator McCain, “is engaged in a ‘time-worn’ and insidiously subtle racist campaign against me.”

Obama said he bases his accusation on logic and observation. “The Republicans have no winning issues,” Obama claimed. “Polls consistently show the voters disapprove of the same old Republican economic and foreign policies. If they have no winning issues, logically, all that’s left is a smear campaign focused on race.”

“Evidence of this ancient strategy is already there for those who look for it,” Obama contended. “Senator McCain has yet to congratulate me for becoming the first African-American to win a major Party nomination. This disrespects my historic achievement. Was he as reticent in congratulating the first White-American to attain such a height?”

The Illinois senator also took issue with Republican assertions that he lacks adequate experience for the job. “Saying I’m ‘too inexperienced’ to be president is a clever way of reminding voters that they’ve never placed their trust in a Black man before, so why start now,” Obama said. “It’s a scare tactic worthy of the KKK.”

Modified Presidential Seal Called a “Transitional Form”

Presumptive Democratic presidential nominee, Senator Obama brushed aside criticism of his appropriation of a modified Presidential Seal in his campaign appearances, calling it “a transitional form of the seal. I’m not too happy with the eagle, it’s an aggressive bird. And the arrows are terrible symbolism. But I felt it would be too traumatic to try to change it all at once.”

Obama’s seal includes the same bald eagle clutching an olive branch and arrows in its talons, but in place of the stars-and-stripes shield in the center of the eagle’s body, is the campaign’s trademark “O.” Instead of saying “ “Seal of the President of the United States” around the outer ring, the words “Obama for America” and www.barackobama.com appear.

“Ultimately,” Obama indicated, “completely new symbols will have to be found.” The senator is reputed to favor replacing the eagle with a turkey. “Ben Franklin suggested a turkey as the national bird,” Obama recalled. “I often ponder what our history would’ve been had this more pacific creature been chosen.”

Lawmaker Says Prospect of Jail Sentence Shouldn’t Bar His Reelection

Louisiana Democratic congressman William Jefferson has announced that he will seek re-election to a 10^th term despite the fact that he is facing possible imprisonment if convicted on corruption charges.

“I was reelected in 2006 after these charges were lodged against me,” Jefferson pointed out. “The notion that a representative of the people has to be ‘squeaky-clean’ is refuted.”

Jefferson argued that his run-in with the law makes him “a suitable representative of an under represented segment of our society—the common criminal. You know, one percent of the population is in jail. If congress is to truly represent all of the people, one percent of its members ought to be in jail. With 435 members of congress, by rights, four ought to be drawn from the prison population. I believe I am ideally positioned to be one of those four.”

Jefferson was charged with soliciting bribes when $90,000 of alleged bribe money was discovered hidden in his freezer. He has since boasted that unlike bank deposits, his “freezer money” played no part in worsening the mortgage lending crisis. The Congressman is facing a December 2 trial date.