The Los Angeles Times newspaper continued its valiant resistance to demands that it release a video tape showing presidential candidate Senator Barack Obama (D-Ill.) praising Rashid Khalidi, a one-time associate of Palestinian terrorist Yassir Arafat.

The tape reportedly features speeches and other activities given in honor of Khalidi at a 2003 farewell gala in Chicago. Khalidi was leaving the University of Chicago and heading east to a job at Columbia University, where Obama spent his undergraduate years.

“Those demanding that we release the tape don’t understand the circumstances,” said Howell Craven, spokesman for the publisher. “Obama is no ordinary candidate. We’re dealing with some dangerous people here. You’d understand if you saw the tape.”

“What if we release the tape and Obama is elected president anyway?” Craven asked. “We’d be in deep trouble then. We can’t justify taking action that could endanger the lives of Times employees. It’s too risky. The safest bet is for everyone to just forget this ever happened.”

In related news, Whoopi Goldberg revealed that fellow conversant on the TV show The View, Elizabeth Hasselback, has “received more death threats than the rest of us combined. That bitch is gonna get her head blown off if she don’t wise up.” Hasselback is the only conservative out of the five women who appear on this weekday talk show.

Murtha Decries “Unfair” Campaign Tactics

Representative John Murtha (D-Pa.), whose reelection bid has been endangered by his characterization of his constituents as “racists,” “rednecks,” and “ignorant,” made a heartfelt plea to the leftist political operation known as “MoveOn” for help in “countering the right-wing attack machine that is smearing my reputation.”

“People like Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, and even ordinary citizens are unfairly using my own words against me,” Murtha wrote to MoveOn’s donor list. “As you well know, the Democratic Party has patented the terms ‘racist’ and ‘redneck.’ For our opponents to quote us when we use these terms violates common decency. Please give generously so that we will have the resources to enable us to prevail on election day.”

The Pittsburgh Tribune-Review newspaper rallied to Murtha’s defense, saying it was “unconscionable for this great man to be pilloried for telling the truth. Because, sadly, western Pennsylvania is infested with ignorant racists and rednecks. We must not let them win. Congressman Murtha is to be applauded for his candor. We urge voters to reward this candor by returning him to office for his 19^th term.”

In related news, Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell augmented Murtha’s comments by pointing out that “not only are they racist rednecks, they’re also disgustingly poor. Many own only one car. They camp out for vacations because they can’t afford a hotel. Few have ever had lobster unless they caught it themselves.”

Military Hammered for “Taking Sides in the War on Terror”

The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) chastised the Pentagon for “actions leading to the dissemination of biased and one-sided opinions on the war on terror.” The FCC ruling came in response to complaints from Representatives Rosa L. DeLauro, (D-Conn.) and John Dingell, (D-Mich.).

“This is George Bush’s war,” Dingell said. “Every time some general or one of his lackeys bad-mouths al Qaeda or the Taliban it’s like a political endorsement of his Republican administration’s policies. This is impermissible political speech. We have requested that the FCC put a stop to it.”

At issue is the Pentagon’s habit of allowing retired personnel to have copies of media briefing materials. “It’s one thing for professional journalists to have this information,” Dingell said. “They are trained to present balanced perspectives. These retired officers are just cheerleaders with an animus for what Bush has claimed are the enemies of freedom and democracy.”

Dingell said he intends to probe more deeply into the issue after the election. “Democrats won’t be forgetting about it just because we win the election,” Dingell promised. “Names will be taken and appropriate penalties will be levied on those responsible.”

In related news, Representative Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio) sharply criticized President Bush’s continued efforts to win the war on terror, calling it “politically motivated.” “He knows that if he can show progress it will help John McCain,” Kucinich asserted. The congressman contended that “an election season ought to be a period of policy neutrality. Maybe the voters don’t want to ‘win the war.’ Bush owes it to the American people to let the election decide whether victory is appropriate and not try to force the issue in the little time he has left.”

Obama Defends His “Soak-the-Rich” Tax Philosophy

Presidential nominee, Senator Obama remained unfazed by a recent report indicating that high-income taxpayers in America bear a larger share of the tax burden than similarly positioned individuals in most of Europe.

Europe’s Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) recently published a study that found that compared to the nations belonging to the OECD, the U.S. “has the most progressive tax system and collects the largest share of taxes from the richest 10 percent of the population.”

“It’s ironic that countries considered to be more socialistic than America actually have lower tax rates for the wealthy,” said OECD Deputy Minister of Economics, Francois Dilettante.

Dilettante ascribed the apparent anomaly to differences in military spending. “For all intents and purposes, the United States has been defending Europe since World War II,” he said. “This has lessened the burdens on European taxpayers at all levels, especially those earning higher incomes.”

Obama dismissed the OECD report calling it “irrelevant.” “The fact is, the rich in this country still have more than they need,” he contended. “This is fundamentally unfair regardless of what our European friends do. I might also remind you that there are vast multitudes of impoverished people around the globe. For us to ignore their needs when so many Americans have more than they need to live comfortably is just selfish. Changing this is essential if we are to transform this country and the world we live in.”

In related news, research conducted by UCLA economists Harold Cole and Lee Ohanian demonstrating that President Franklin D. Roosevelt’s “soak-the-rich” economic policies prolonged and worsened the Great Depression was brushed aside by Obama. “Fairness is more important than prosperity,” Obama insisted. “It is better that all make sacrifices than that some get ahead while others suffer.”

Ayers Dedicated 1974 Book to Kennedy Assassin

William Ayers, the Weatherman terrorist who participated in bombing attacks against the Pentagon and Capitol in the 1970s and who has been a political associate of presidential nominee Senator Obama, dedicated his 1974 book—Prairie Fire: The Politics of Revolutionary Anti-Imperialism—to Sirhan Sirhan.

Sirhan Sirhan is presently serving a life sentence in the California State Prison at Corcoran for shooting Senator Robert Kennedy (D-N.Y.) on June 5, 1968 in Los Angeles, just after the Senator had won the California Democratic presidential primary. Kennedy died approximately one day later in the early hours of June 6.

Ayers hailed the assassination as a “key blow for the Palestinian people. Kennedy was one of America’s leading Zionists at that time. Putting him down was a heroic act of martyrdom.”

In fairness to Ayers, it must be pointed out that Sirhan Sirhan was not the only dedicatee mentioned in his book. He was merely one of a list of assorted murderers Ayers characterized as “political prisoners.” The great tragedy is that Ayers wasn’t one of them.

Obama Campaign Asks Court to Disallow Jessen Ad

Obama campaign spokesman, Damien Thorn, announced that he is requesting that all campaign ads featuring comments by abortion survivor Gianna Jessen be pulled because “she lacks ‘standing.’”

Thorn said the move was inspired by Judge R. Barclay Surrick’s ruling that Philip Berg lacked “standing” to challenge whether Senator Barack Obama meets the citizenship qualification to be president.

“Jessen shouldn’t even be here,” Thorn observed. “As Roe vs. Wade established, technically, Jessen has no rights which the law is bound to respect in this regard. It is unfair to Senator Obama that criticism from this quarter may be permitted to undo the efforts from legitimate sources of opinion.”

John Semmens got his start writing about politics for his college newspaper. Since then, he has written more than 600 articles that have been published. In addition to "Semi-News," John's opinion pieces have appeared in many newspapers around the country--including the Wall Street Journal, Washington Times, and many others.