Representative Jose Serrano (D-NY) has introduced House Joint Resolution 5—a measure that would initiate steps aimed at repealing the 22^nd Amendment to the US Constitution. The Amendment, added to the Constitution in 1951, limits an individual to two elected four-year terms as president.

“The idea that a man of such immense talent and vision as Barack Obama should be discarded after only eight years in office is foolish,” Serrano contended. “At only 47 years old, he could easily serve another 20 years or more. Why should the nation be forced to settle for lesser men as long as he’s willing to serve?”

“Electing a president and changing an administration is expensive and time-consuming,” Serrano pointed out. “We ought to be looking for ways to reduce this burden on the American people.”

Serrano suggested that voters be given the option of reelecting a sitting president for life. “After the first four years, voters should have a pretty good idea of whether they like the guy,” Serrano said. “They should be given the chance to extend his term for as long as he’s willing to serve. This would reduce the frequency, and thereby, the costs, of recurring, unnecessary elections and the accompanying turnover in executive branch personnel.”

In related news, a new poll shows that Obama is very popular in the state of New Jersey, with over 108% of registered voters favoring his reelection.

Biden Hails Self as “Best Vice-President Ever”

Incoming Vice-President Joe Biden hailed himself as the best ever.

“The vice-president’s job is to preside over the senate,” Biden declared. “My 30+ years as a senator is more experience with this august body than any other vice-president has ever had. I think it’s fair to say that I’ll be the most effective presider this nation has ever seen.”

“Also, having one of the least experienced to ever hold the presidency as president makes my other main job responsibility—stepping in if he goes down—less daunting than it has been for any of my predecessors,” Biden asserted. “Of course, as Barack gains more on-the-job training, this will be less the case. So, if I have to step in, it’d be less stressful if it was sooner rather than later.”

Biden contrasted himself with outgoing Vice-President Dick Chenney, “who was never very good at presiding. Having never been a senator before becoming vice-president, he didn’t know the secret handshake or any of the private protocols. And while he got the nation’s hopes up with his jaunts to ‘undisclosed locations,’ he never stepped up to become president. So, I’d have to say he’s not a hard act to follow.”

Congressman Will Try to Reinstate Military Draft

New York Representative Charles Rangel (D) says he plans to reintroduce his bill to reinstate the military draft. “It won’t be right away,” Rangel said. “We’ve got to get the stimulus package finished first. The climate of fear won’t last forever. We’ve got to get and spend this money before the political support dissipates.”

A similar Rangel bill to revive the draft failed by a vote of 402-2 in 2004. Representatives John Murtha (D-Penn) and Pete Stark (D-Calif) were the only ones to vote for it. Rangel voted against it because “the risk of going on record in favor of a draft at that time would have ‘turned off younger voters.’”

This risk is now diminished, Rangel says, because “with Obama as president, the youth of America are eager to defend the nation.” The incoherence of his position didn’t faze the New York Democrat. If American youths are really eager to defend an Obama-led country, why would a draft be necessary?

“A purely voluntary system is inequitable,” Rangel answered. “No matter how widespread the support for the new president, some will choose not to serve. This dilutes the solidarity and undermines the collective experience of the people. If all are compelled to share the burden, all will share an appreciation of freedom. It’s no different, really, from compelling all taxpayers to share the burden of bad loans like we did with the TARP bill.”

Treasury Nominee Brushes off Tax Evasion Criticism

Obama’s treasury secretary-designate Timothy Geithner, called revelations that he neglected to pay some of his income taxes a “hiccup on my road to greatness.”

The unpaid taxes stem from Geithner’s time with the International Monetary Fund (IMF). Although the IMF didn’t withhold taxes on the portion of his payments identified as “self-employment” income, it did pay him an additional amount to cover this liability. Geithner did complete and sign the forms needed to obtain this additional money and did, in fact accept payment. He just failed to forward this money to the IRS.

Geithner belittled criticisms of his handling of this matter. “Once I was nominated to be treasury secretary and it was discovered that I hadn’t paid these taxes, I did eventually pay the money I owed,” he explained. “You know, I’ve never been very good with numbers or the complicated rules and regulations in the tax code. I hope to remedy this with some intense on-the-job training once I take over the Department of the Treasury.”

Witness too Credible to Testify, UK Judge Rules

An uncouth thug accused of robbing a driving instructor was set free after a judge ruled that the witness against him, Denise Dawson, was “too believable” to give evidence.

Judge Jamie Tabor explained the ruling thusly: “The witness is honest, utterly decent and brave. The accused stands no chance against such an upstanding member of the community. It wouldn’t be a level playing field.”

It seems that a “level playing field” requires that only a thug’s “peers” be permitted to testify. “Normally, these trials present scum vs. scum,” Tabor elaborated. “Jurors can weigh the credibility more evenly, giving the accused a fighting chance to gain acquittal.”

Police will still be permitted to give testimony because “scandals impugning their integrity help diminish the perceived integrity of their testimony,” Tabor alleged.

Public safety was a secondary rationale espoused by the judge. “Since we can’t properly punish these people—they’ll be back on the streets in no time—we are saving people like Ms. Dawson from retribution,” Tabor said. “Once the criminal class understands that good people can’t testify against them, they have no cause to harm them or seek revenge.”

Alaska’s New Senator at Odds with Governor over Stimulus

Fresh from wresting the seat from pork-barrel champ, Ted Stevens, Senator Mark Begich (D-Alaska) chided the state’s Governor, Sarah Palin (R), for not asking President-Elect Obama for enough money from the $800 billion stimulus package he has proposed.

“The four projects she’s identified for a total of $150 million, in my view, is not enough.” Begich complained. “She’s imposing her idea of personal responsibility on Alaska’s citizens when she should be trying to get as much as she can for the state. Hers is not the strategy that kept getting Ted Steven reelected. If he hadn’t got caught with his hand in the cookie jar, I most likely wouldn’t be where I am today. I say we should clamp onto that federal teat and suck as hard as we can.”

Mexican Socialists Demand “Gag Order” Be Imposed on Church

President of Mexico’s socialist Social Democratic Party (PSD), Jorge Carlos Diaz, has issued a demand that the Church stop opposing its initiatives or face legal action. Mexico City’s Cardinal Archbishop Norberto Rivera has criticized elements of the PSD’s program to legalize abortion, euthanasia and same sex marriage.

“Abortion, euthanasia and marriage are political issues,” Carlos Diaz insisted. “The church must stop interfering. Ignorant peasants think that these priests speak for God. Well, there is no God. Rivera is lying to the people and confusing voters. He is sabotaging our right to craft the Party’s message as we see fit.”

The threatened legal action is to call upon the Federal Electoral Institute (IFE) to impose a gag order against statements from the church that contradict the PSD’s program. The Mexican constitution has anti-clerical clauses that prohibit the clergy from participating in politics.

“Social justice requires that priests cooperate with the government, not promote out-dated superstitions” Carlos Diaz proclaimed. “Implementing this policy will be a high priority when we are in charge.”