John Semmens2

JOHN SEMMENS: Semi-News

UN Deadlocked Over Phrasing of Resolution

A "sternly worded" condemnation of the terrorist bombings in London failed to make it past the UN Security Council this week. Delegates were at odds over whether the attacks should be denounced as "nasty" (the hardliners) or "naughty" (the dovish contingent).

A near slapping match broke out between Jacques Balslinge, a member of the French delegation, and Vito Pugiliani of the Italian delegation. Security guards defused the angry confrontation by hustling the contending
delegations into a limousine and whisking them to a posh restaurant in Midtown Manhattan.

Hillary Urges New Aid for North Korea

Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY) is pushing a brand new foreign aid package for North Korea. The aid package is projected to amount to over $12 billion.

The money is intended to bribe brutal dictator Kim Jong Il to scuttle his nuclear weapons program. "There is a precedent for this," Sen Clinton said, "My husband's aid to North Korea kept the wraps on their nuclear weapons program. For eight full years no one knew North Korea was building nuclear weapons. We need to return to a policy of ignorant bliss. Bribing Kim to keep his weapons secret is a sound step toward that goal."

Masked Gunmen Stall Palestinian Rock Concert

Dozens of masked gunmen cut short a rock concert by a popular Palestinian singer in the West Bank city of Nablus on Tuesday night.

The singer, Ammar Hassan, was denounced by the gunmen as "no Carrie Underwood. " Ms. Underwood was the most recent winner in the "American Idol" competition.

"Why must we listen to losers like Hassan?" asked one of the gunmen. "He is homely. Carrie is hot," chimed-in another. "We blame Bush," said a third.

Outside, a street mob set fire to a bus in support of gunmen's actions.

Saudi TV: Jews Concentrated in Israel to Make it Easier to Kill Them

A Muslim Imam appearing on a Saudi talk show said the faithful should thank Allah for the establishment of the Israeli state. "The Israelites have cunningly spread all over the world. Now Allah gathers them in this land.

He brings them in groups from all countries of the world, in order to fulfill Allah's universal law: Judgment Day will come when Muslims fight the Jews, and the stone and the tree say: Oh, Muslim, oh servant of Allah, there's a Jew behind me, come and kill him. If the Jews were scattered throughout the world, how could we find them in order to fight them? The
war between us and the Jews is a religious war. This is not a war over a path, a land or anything like that. The part of the Koran that was given at Mecca, before the Muslim even met the Jews, each chapter reveals who the Jews really are, their perversity and the danger they present. Our war with
them is a religious war, and we must arm the nation with the weapon of faith."

The interview was followed by video highlights of recent beheadings of infidels.

Poll Finds Americans Want Action Against Global Warming

Though only 43 percent of poll respondents were able to correctly identify President Bush's stance on global warming, a solid majority of Americans disagree with it, a new poll said Tuesday amid reports of a widening rift over climate change between the United States and its partners in the Group of Eight (G8) dominant countries.

''Going into the G8 Summit, nearly all Americans feel that the U.S. government is not doing enough to make it cooler in the summer,'' said Brian Skull, director of the University of Maryland's Attitude Adjustment Polling Center, which surveyed 812 people late last month.

Among the measures favored by the poll respondents were: provide more shade (67%), install "misting systems" along city streets (59%), subsidize cool drinks (85%), and close all non-essential government offices from May through August (98%).

Arizona Governor Could Block Implementing Voter ID Part of Prop 200

Despite voter approval of Prop 200, a measure aimed at illegal immigrants, last November, Arizona Governor Janice Napolitburo says she will continue her fight against requiring voters to show identification documents in order to be allowed to cast ballots.

"ID requirements make people prove they are citizens and that they reside in the jurisdiction in which they are attempting to vote. This discriminates against persons who aren't citizens or don't live within the jurisdiction. Voting is a human right that should not be subject to such narrow and parochial restrictions," said Napolitburo in a statement
released by her office.

'Martyr Kits'

Secret "martyrs' kits" came to the attention of authorities when they were mistakenly given out to the first 10,000 persons attending a baseball game between the Washington Nationals and Atlanta Braves on Sunday.

"We thought the packages contained team photos and assorted baseball cards," said a spokesman for the Nationals, host of the game and sponsor of the "giveaway."

The kits are aimed at recruiting Islamic Jihad killers by offering their families generous "charitable donations" from Saudi Arabia-based organizations.

Much of the kit's paperwork carries the corporate logo of the Arab Bank -- the Middle East's most important and influential financial institution -- and the numbers of the accounts through which martyrs' families would be paid.

The Nationals offered a free coupon redeemable for team shop merchandise to any fans willing to return the martyr kits.

News from the Future: Explosion Destroys Phoenix Light Rail System

A bomb planted on the on the 8 a.m. train by an Islamic terrorist group completely destroyed the city's recently opened light rail system.

The train was in the midst of its 8 a.m. round trip run of the length of the system (approximately 0.3 miles running from the intersection of Central Avenue and Washington Street to the system's terminus at Bank One Ballpark).

Fortunately, no one was injured. The train was stopped at the Ballpark station. The driver was taking a restroom break. Jack Tevlin, the only regular passenger, was on summer vacation.

Though the system had been in operation a bare six months at the time of the disaster, Mayor Peggy Bilgestorm had made supplemental funding a priority.

"This train has exceeded all our expectations. The system opened weeks ahead of its promised January 2013 completion date. There's a train every two minutes in the service area. And a doubling of ridership seems attainable within the next few years," said Bilgestorm. "We will not be
cowed by this heinous act of violence. Next week I'll be asking the City Council to double the transit sales tax. This will enable us to repair the damage to the train and add another 0.1 of a mile of track, extending service north on Central all the way to Monroe."

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