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JOHN SEMMENS: Semi-News

Boy Scout Threat to Schools Averted

July 21, 2005

The risk that the word “God” might be uttered on public school grounds has been beaten back through the efforts of the American Civil Liberties Union. The ACLU’s threat to sue schools that permit Boy Scouts to meet on school property has prompted the Boy Scouts of America to pull its troops out of public schools.

“Some think that just because the Boy Scouts are a voluntary organization that its members should be free to say whatever they want at their private meetings," said Bertram Petty, ACLU spokesman. "We say that even if others who might be offended are not present at these meetings and cannot hear the scouts’ words they still have the right to be protected against such words being used in a public facility.”

Bin Laden Poll Numbers Fall

Osama bin Laden’s status as the world’s leading terrorist is threatened by falling poll numbers, according to a survey conducted by the Pew Global Attitudes Project. The percentage of Muslims saying they have “a lot of confidence” fell from 83 percent in 2001 to 25 percent in the most recent survey. (Note: the poll was taken before the London bombings.)

Abba Muhad is one of the poll respondents who has lost confidence in Bin Laden.

“When I saw pictures of the World Trade Center on fire my heart was filled with joy," Muhad said. "I thought, this bin Laden is a great warrior to kill so many infidels. Lately, all he can do is hide. My admiration now is for Al-Zarqwi. I really enjoy the video of him beheading that Zionist dog, Nick Berg.”

With his poll numbers dropping, bin Laden may not be able to qualify for Saudi matching funds to support next year’s attacks.

Former President Bill Clinton Desperately Seeking Attention

Concerned over the dwindling attention being paid him as the years pass since his presidency ended, the former U.S. chief executive is busy organizing a gathering of notables to cogitate on the world’s problems. The “Clinton Global Initiative” is to be held in New York City to coincide with the United Nations' General Assembly session in September.

“We’re going to talk about what’s wrong and try to figure out who to blame,” Clinton said.

Luminaries already committed to participate include former president Jimmy Carter, former vice president Albert Gore, former California governor Gray Davis, former Vermont governor Howard Dean, former senator Tom Daschle, rapper P. Diddy, country singing trio the Dixie Chicks, comedian Al Franken and actor Alec Baldwin.

Some of the issues already on the agenda include government corruption, abuse of authority, sexual harassment and empathy.

“I think I can speak to all these issues and more," Clinton said. "I have had a lot of experience that I could share. If we talk long and hard about these issues, I think it would change the world."

The ACLU isn’t finished with the Boy Scouts. Plans are being laid to sue municipalities that allow the scouts to march in uniform on public streets during 4^th of July parades.

Arkansas Democratic Party Maxes-Out Credit

The state Democratic Party chairman, Bobo Chickmug, says the party has used up its $150,000 line of credit.

As it turns out, nearly half the money was spent on calls to so-called “900 sex talk” lines.

“The working girls on these lines are voters,” said Chickpuss. “Calling them is part of our outreach program to people we feel would be receptive to the Democratic Party’s message.”

The outreach program was former Arkansas Governor Bill Clinton’s idea. Started in 1989, the program has drawn many of these women in to work with Democratic Party officials on various matters.

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