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JOHN SEMMENS: Semi-News
New Jersey State Government Bankrupt Feb. 3, 2006
Democratic governor Jon S. Corzine has put forward a two-pronged plan to address the crisis. The plan emerged from a meeting with Martin Tacetta, Sam DeCavalcante, Alphonse (Allie Boy) Persico, Peter Gotti, Dominick (Quiet Dom) Cirillo and Steven Crea. Prong number one of the plan is to enlist the aid of the New Jersey area “families” to “whack” the state personnel roster down to a more manageable size. “We’re just too bloated when it comes to staffing,” admitted Corzine. “We’ve already tried encouraging early retirements, but the pensions are breaking our balls. This new approach to downsizing will avoid that problem.” Corzine says that because “disposal” is part of the deal, the state won’t have to pay death benefits. “The downsized employees will just be reclassified as ‘absent without leave’ and discharged from state service for failure to report for work,” Corzine observed. “Since we are only paying five Gs per ‘whack’ this should save the state a lot of money.” Prong number two of the plan is for New Jersey law enforcement to ease up on “family” businesses in exchange for a bigger percentage of the take. “The families run some of the most profitable operations in the state,” said Corzine. “Drug dealing and racketeering are recession-resistant lines of business. We aim to replace the free lancing by rogue cops with a more systematic rake of the revenues from these activities going toward alleviating our budget deficit.” “One of the best things about this plan is it doesn’t require legislative approval,” Corzine boasted. “It’s strictly a backroom, under-the-table deal. My executive authority is sufficient.” Iran Hails Hamas Victory in Palestinian Elections Iran trumpeted the victory of the Islamist group Hamas in the Palestinian elections as a vote by the people to “exterminate the Zionist regime.” Iranian Foreign Ministry Spokesman Hamid-Reza Asefi said, “Through its vote, the Palestinian nation chose the path of jihad and is loyal to this and supports it with all its might.” Hamas chief Mahmoud al-Zahar did offer Israel a truce. “If Israel will commit to vacating Palestine we will allow a reasonable time period for the evacuation,” said al-Zahar. “After that time all remaining Jews will be given the choice of converting to Islam, paying the jizya tax or facing the righteous wrath of Allah.” Asefi said that the level of participation by the Palestinian people was a display of the widespread support for “wiping Israeli occupiers off the face of the Earth.” To help further this aim, Asefi says Iran will supply nuclear suicide bomb-packs. “Once all the Jews are dead, the smoking, radioactive ruins will be returned to their rightful Islamic owners. The votes have been counted. It’s time to get on with the task at hand.” In related news, former President Jimmy Carter praised Hamas’ integrity. “Not a single member of the Hamas Party has received money from Jack Abramoff,” said Carter. “They may have blown up buses and restaurants killing hundreds of innocent men, women and children, but they did it honestly and sincerely without regard for the profits of Haliburton. Compared to Dick Cheney and Tom DeLay, these are men of integrity.” Virginia Planned Parenthood Issues Urgent Email Legislation pending in the Virginia General Assembly prompted the Virginia chapter of Planned Parenthood issued an urgent call to action to its members. The bill--HB 868—would require parental notification, parental consent, and a mandatory delay before a teen could obtain an abortion. In an email to its membership, Planned Parenthood denounced the bill as an infringement of a woman’s reproductive rights. “We hold that a person mature enough to conceive a child is mature enough to decide whether to terminate that child without parental interference,” said the email. Those on the Planned Parenthood mailing list were urged to take any steps necessary to convey their disapproval of this legislation. 2003 Tax Cut on Capital Gains Entirely Paid for Itself According to the Congressional Budget Office, instead of costing the government $27 billion in revenues, the 2003 capital gains tax cuts actually earned the government $26 billion extra. That is, by cutting the taxes on investment gains, the government actually took in more money—kind of like a business that increases its profits by cutting its prices. The boost in government revenues from tax cuts was not good news to everyone. Representative John Spratt (D-SC), ranking Democrat on the House Budget Committee expressed disappointment with the news. “It’s not just the quantity of revenue that is important,” said Spratt. “Equalizing the pain of taxation is also important. The fact that rich investors also gain diminishes our satisfaction with the boost in government revenues.” House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D., Calif.) endorsed Spratt’s remarks. “Tax cuts are a cynical ploy to increase Republican power,” Pelosi complained. “Tax cuts that spur investment push more people into higher income brackets and make them more likely to vote Republican. The end result could well be the extinction of the Democratic Party.” A Gallup snap poll indicated that 72% of respondents would accept the extinction of the Democratic Party as a trade-off for higher personal income. Al-Zawahri Calls Bush a “Butcher” & “Failure” Al-Qaida's deputy leader Ayman al-Zawahri called U.S. President George W. Bush a "butcher" and a "failure" in a videotape aired on Arab television. "Bush’s crusader army has butchered thousands of our jihadi fighters, but he has failed to kill me," Zawahiri said. "Nevertheless, we will show mercy if he submits to Islam." President Bush ridiculed Zawahiri's remarks. "This is pretty tall talk for a guy living in a cave and eating bugs," said Bush. "But I am going to work to overcome my failure." Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean pounced on the President's remarks as further evidence of White House indifference to suffering. "To mock the inadequate food and housing of these long-suffering religious activists illustrates the decline in sensitivity since a Democrat held the presidency," said Dean in a press release. "Bill Clinton would have felt their pain and taken steps to relieve it. We won't have peace until every person on the planet has adequate food, clothing and housing. Bin Laden has a plan to do this in Afghanistan and Iraq. Bush's plan is to try to kill bin Laden. I ask you, who has the more humane program?" Clinton Speaks Against Anti-Islamic Prejudice Former US president Bill Clinton warned of rising anti-Islamic prejudice, comparing it to historic anti-Semitism as he condemned the publishing of drawings depicting Prophet Mohammed in a Danish newspaper. "It is this kind of disrespect for the Islamic creed that leads to the murderous rage we see in so many Muslims," said Clinton. "All they are asking is that we abide by the Sharia. Is this too much to ask?" Clinton described as "appalling" the 12 drawings published in a Danish newspaper depicting Prophet Mohammed and causing uproar in the Muslim world. "This shameful violation of Islam's restrictions on the portrayal of the human form rival the offenses committed against Jews by anti-Semites," said Clinton. "These drawings are a crime against humanity." The cartoons, including a portrayal of the prophet wearing a time-bomb-shaped turban, were reprinted in a Norwegian magazine in January, sparking uproar in the Muslim world where images of the prophet are considered blasphemous. Clinton criticized knee-jerk responses to Islamic militancy. "Too many people are quick to condemn the beheadings and suicide bombings of civilians," Clinton complained. "Do these critics know that the Quran commands the faithful to fight for Islam? Do they know that cutting off heads is an explicitly prescribed tactic? Or do our Judeo-Christine prejudices make us intolerant of the beliefs of another faith?" The Muslim community’s reaction has been split between traditionalists who favor beheading the offending infidels and moderates who favor rioting and burning cars. Clinton said he will be boycotting imported Danish beers as a show of solidarity with "our Muslim brothers." Venezuela to Support Iran Nuclear Weapons Program Venezuela stands by its promise to back Iran in its argument with the West over its atomic program. "Venezuela is going to support Iran in the nuclear dispute," Venezuelan Energy and Mines Minister Rafael Ramirez told reporters ahead of an OPEC meeting in Vienna. Ramirez’s remarks echoed a pledge given by Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez last March. Chavez said then that Iran had every right to develop its own atomic energy. As an expression of gratitude for Venezuela’s support, Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad promised he would “kill these greaser infidels last.” Bin Laden CDs Found at Mosques Compact discs containing the “Best of Osama bin Laden and the Martyrs” have been found at three British mosques. The CDs contain an eclectic collection of Arabic versions of “No Where to Run,” “(Can’t Get No) Satisfaction,” “I Want to Hold Your Hand Grenade,” “I’m a Loser,” “Bits and Pieces,” “96 Tears,” “Strangler in Paradise,” “I Cry Like a Baby,” “Arab Dude Looks Like a Lady,” “Boogie-Woogie Bugger Boy,” and an original composition “You Won't Be Able To Prevent Us from Dying with Dignity” credited to bin Laden. "It's disturbing and offensive material," a West Yorkshire police spokesperson said of the discs, describing them as containing "Bin Laden has mangled these classics with unmelodic vocalizations, incomprehensible lyrics and grating music." A spokesperson for al-Qaeda demanded that the tongue of the offending police officer be cut out. “Osama is inspired by Allah,” said Adu Humpmahn. “To disrespect his voice is to disrespect Allah. The fitting punishment for such blasphemy is the severing of the offending tongue.”
John Semmens'
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The
state of New Jersey has almost $30 billion in debt, another $30 billion
in unfunded liabilities for its retirement and health care programs, and
a Transportation Trust Fund that will be drained by July 1. More
revenues and reduced expenses are viewed as essential.