JOHN SEMMENS: Semi-News

Senator Kennedy’s Statement on the Nomination of John Roberts to U.S. Supreme Court

July 22, 2005

Every American ought to be asking some tough questions right now about whether Mr. Roberts is fit to serve on the highest court in the land.

Will he support seizing the property of average Americans so it can be transferred to powerful corporations?

Has he ever gotten blind drunk, had an adulterous affair, driven off a bridge, left his companion to drown and gotten away with it?

Is he willing to support judging people by the color of their skin rather than the content of their character?

Will he be able to see past the archaic words of the Constitution and create new rights and freedoms more suitable for the emerging global community?

Mr. Roberts must demonstrate that he meets my standards before he will get my vote.

Howard Dean Sees Conspiracy in Timing of Supreme Court Nomination

Howard Dean, Chairman of the Democratic National Committee found the timing of President Bush’s announcement of his selection to fill the Supreme Court vacancy created by the retirement of Sandra Day O’Connor “suspicious.”

“We are right in the middle of our campaign to smear Karl Rove. Bush knows we don’t have the resources to carry out a ‘two-front’ smear campaign. He’s trying to force us to choose between nailing Rove, the guy we hate, and this new guy who’ll be on the court for the next 30 years. It’s not fair,” complained Dean.

Dean said he is hoping George Soros can come through with a few more million to finance the mud necessary to carry on the fight.

Redistricting Reform Initiative Removed from California Ballot

A judge removed Proposition 77, the Redistricting Reform/Anti-Gerrymandering Initiative, from the ballot for the California Special Election to be held November 8, 2005. This is the Redistricting Reform measure supported by Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Most of the races for California's 80 State Assembly seats, 20 of the 40 State Senate seats, and 53 Congressional seats are one-party affairs due to gerrymandered election district boundary lines. As a result, the Democratic Party enjoys a lopsided majority in the Assembly.

In his ruling, Judge Malcolm Lugnut, one of former Governor Gray Davis’ appointees, stated that, “All of these propositions are confusing the voters. Traditionally, district boundaries have been decided in backroom deals among party leaders. I see no need to change this hallowed process and burden California voters with the complicated issues of determining legislative district boundaries.”

Alonzo Nerf, speaking on behalf of the state Democratic Party, hailed the ruling as a great time-saver. “All this voting takes time. The time saved by not having to vote on this can be put to better use earning money that the legislature can tax to help reduce the deficit.”

Saddam Demands Johnny Cochran Be His Lawyer

Unaware that famed defender Johnny Cochran is dead, former Iraqi dictator, Saddam Hussein is demanding Cochran be appointed as his lawyer.

“I already have the opening line for my lawyer’s closing argument: ‘If he has the fame, you cannot blame,’” says Hussein. “What do you think? Pretty slick, eh?”

Hussein is expected to be charged with at least 13 crimes ranging from massacring the Kurds to torturing prisoners to death. Hussein maintains that his actions were all declared legal by his cabinet of ministers. “These killings were all authorized through the proper procedures,” says Hussein. “Under Iraqi law I am innocent.”

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