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JOHN SEMMENS: Semi-News

Mexican Immigration Activists Denounce Bush Plan

May 18, 2006

On Monday, May 15, President Bush outlined a plan to address the immigration situation by sending National Guard troops to the Mexican border and granting amnesty to those who've illegally been in America a long time. Bush's plan was denounced by the National Capital Immigration Coalition. "It is not enough," said Juan Carlos Ruiz, general coordinator for the National Capital Immigration Coalition. "Until America opens its borders and grants full rights to all, we will take our message to the streets."

The immigrant coalition says it is planning civil action, with
demonstrations at the White House and on Capitol Hill, and the launch of a nationwide voter registration campaign at key border crossings. "We will sign up a million new voters," vowed Ruiz. "We are absolutely prepared to bring this government down if it fails to meet our demands."

In related news, the Mexican government said it will sue the United States for damages for every Mexican who dies or is injured climbing a wall, swimming a river or crossing the desert to enter the U.S. "There is this concept in American law called 'attractive nuisance,'" said Jose Gordo of the Mexican Attorney General's office. "The Americans have created a land of opportunity and prosperity luring our impoverished people to attempt entry. For this they must be held liable."

U.N. Demands U.S Increase Foreign Aid

The U.S. ranks 21st of 22 Western nations in the percentage of national income devoted to foreign aid. The U.S. currently devotes 0.15 percent of GNP to foreign aid. The U.S. is being asked to boost this to 0.7 percent. Meeting the 0.7 percent figure requires an additional expenditure of $65 billion a year by the U.S. government.

"There are many leaders of impoverished nations who are unable to adequately fund their Swiss bank accounts due to insufficient foreign aid," said U.N. Secretary General, Kofi Annan. "They will face a humiliating retirement unbefitting a national leader if they cannot set aside at least $100 million. The United States is rich enough to take on the responsibility for seeing that these accounts are maintained at a respectable level."

Annan believes the funds needed ought to come from energy taxes on the American people. "Americans are energy gluttons," Annan said. "They are too warm in the winter and too cool in the summer. They are excessively mobile. Practically every adult owns a car. They fly about the country taking frivolous vacations when they should be working to end world hunger. Higher taxes on consumption of energy would remedy these evils."

Hillary Takes Aim at National Guard Suicide Rate

Distressed at National Guard suicide rates 20 percent higher than the general population, Senator Hillary Clinton (D-N.Y.) called for remedial action. "Impressionable and confused young people are killing themselves at alarming rates," said Clinton. "We cannot sit idly by without doing something."

Clinton speculated that the easy access to deadly weapons lies behind these suicides. "These National Guards have loaded guns in their hands!" Clinton screeched. "This is unsafe." Clinton proposed that National Guard weapons be fitted with trigger locks to which only unit commanders would have keys.

The suicide rate for National Guard troops was 13 per 100,000 last year vs. 11 per 100,000 for the general population in America.

Group Demands Failing Students Be Allowed to Graduate

Californians for Justice filed a writ in April demanding that the state drop its requirement that students must pass the math and English test in order to receive a diploma. "Students who put in their time should graduate," said Tonto Moro, one of the students who failed the test. "They don't require prisoners who serve their time to pass a test in order to get out of jail. It is unfair to us who have committed no crime to be treated worse."

Alameda County Superior Court Judge Robert Freedman previously granted this year's senior class a reprieve from passing the exit exam to earn a diploma. In his decision, Freedman agreed with five students from Richmond High School who claimed that the test was unfair to English learners and economically disadvantaged students who were more likely to have unqualified teachers and insufficient supplies to learn material on the test.

"We are a multicultural society," said Freedman in his ruling. "Requiring everyone to learn English is Yankee imperialism at its worst. Until such a time as every student is provided with full time translation assistance the schools will be barred from requiring these tests be passed by Latino students."

Che Perezoso, spokesman for Californians for Justice, called the ruling a "good start." "This ruling is a good start," said Perezoso. "However, it doesn't finish the job. Now that these students are out of high school the government needs to provide housing, food and clothing. A society that has failed to teach them English must look after their welfare."

Muslims Critcize "United 93" Bias

The Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR), a Washington-based Islamic lobby, says the movie "United 93," which recounts the hijacked flight that crashed in Pennsylvania on 9-11, defames Muslims.

Bushra Khan, office manager for CAIR's Arizona chapter, said she's concerned "United 93" is prompting the kind of anti-Muslim anger seen immediately after the attacks on New York City and Washington. "This film is undermining the complacency that we have come to expect from infidels," Khan said. "I got an e-mail last night from Osama. He says he is considering legal action to stop further showings of the film."

Khan showed a copy of an e-mail from "bigdirk at jihadmail dot com." While it is yet to be confirmed that this e-mail is, in fact, from Osama bin Laden, experts say they believe it is authentic. The e-mail complains that al-Qaeda's image is unfairly tarnished. "To show the one mission that failed on September 11 is biased," bigdirk wrote. "The infidels would like everyone to forget that we took down the Jewish towers in New York and destroyed their military headquarters in Washington. We are on the road to victory. This film maligns us."

Khan also complained that the movie portrays Muslims as villains. "Just because a person cuts someone's throat or crashes a plane into a building doesn't make him bad," said Khan. "These men had families, hopes and dreams. The film doesn't do them justice."

CAIR says this "scurrilous film" will not blunt CAIR's quest to make the Quran the law of the land in America.

Islamic Jeans Irk Muslims

An Italian company has begun marketing "Islamic Jeans" which promises better comfort and agility in prayer. The jeans have a high waist and wider legs to make kneeling more comfortable and boast larger pockets that can hold weapons, explosives and other accessories that are removed during ablutions. The logo is in Arabic characters, and the seams are in green, the holy color of Islam.

Imam Mahdi Bray, executive director of the Muslim American Society Freedom Foundation called the jeans "offensive." "This infidel attempt to cater to the needs of Muslims is a clever ploy to seduce Muslims into wearing Western clothes," said Bray. "A more comfortable pair of jeans will lead Muslims to forsake traditional garb."

10,000 pairs of the jeans have been sold since they went on sale in Europe in March. Still, some Muslims are enraged. "This is a type of exploitation," Sashe Wasti, a spokesman for the U.K. Islamic Mission, said. "Trying to make a profit by discerning and filling needs is not the Muslim way."

It has not yet been decided whether a revenge killing or a street riot would be the more appropriate response. Imams throughout Europe are reportedly considering the matter.

ABC Complains About Government Tracing Its Reporters' Calls

ABC News claimed that phone calls made by its reporters and journalists at the New York Times and Washington Post that resulted in leaks of classified information were "honest mistakes."

These reporters were trying to call a "900" number known as "Hot Hips," but inadvertently ended up speaking to CIA agents determined to undermine the president's anti-terrorist telephone data-mining efforts. "Our guys were goofing around, when their calls went astray," said ABC spokesperson, Mona Little. "The CIA agents intimidated us into airing the stories disclosing classified information."

ABC said two of its reporters, Richard Esposito and Brian Ross, were told by an unnamed CIA official that the tires on their cars would be slashed if they refused to disclose the classified information. "Given the choice of undermining U.S. national security or having your tires slashed what would you do?" asked Little. "We felt we had to knuckle under. I am told that those tires are practically brand new."

Michigan Lawyers and Politicians Applaud Report of Rove Indictment

A gathering of lawyers in Michigan, with Democratic Governor Jennifer Granholm and Senator Hillary Clinton (D-N.Y.) in attendance, erupted in a standing ovation when it was announced that Karl Rove had been indicted. "This is sweet," Clinton was overheard commenting to Granholm. "I was afraid they were going to announce bin Laden had been captured. That would've been bad news."

It turned out the announcement was incorrect. Rove has not been indicted. The consensus opinion at the Democratic National Committee is that Rove somehow engineered the announcement to raise false hope that could later be crushed by the truth. "It's just one dirty trick after another from those guys," Howard Dean fumed. "They all ought to be in jail. That's where they will be once we're in charge."

CNN Poll: Clinton Outperformed Bush

In a new poll of 1,021 adult Americans comparing President Bush's job performance with that of his predecessor, a strong majority of respondents said President Clinton outperformed Bush on a host of issues.

Respondents favored Clinton by greater than 2-to-1 margins when asked who did a better job at fondling women (63 percent Clinton, 26 percent Bush). On extramarital affairs, the margin was 56 percent to 32 percent in Clinton's
favor.

In the comments section of the survey, Clinton was described by adjectives like "sexy," "amorous," "fun loving" and "horny." Bush was described as "dull," "plodding," "clumsy" and "shy."

"There's no contest," said one respondent. "Clinton got the babes. He made love, not war. Those were fun times. Now we got Arabs after us. I blame Bush for that."

Rep. John Conyers (D-Mich.) says these poll results vindicate his plan to impeach President Bush once the Democrats win a majority in congress this Fall.

Libya Will Work with U.S. to Spread Democracy

Libya says it will work with the United States to spread democracy around the world. "We will bomb any plane, hijack any ship and take hostages if America just says the word," said Mustapha Zaidi, the top official of Libya's Revolutionary Committees. "We are fully committed to this democracy thing."

Libya and the United States have not had full ties for more than 25 years, but relations swiftly improved after Libya decided in December 2003 to give up its nuclear weapons program. The United States said it would reopen an embassy in Tripoli and remove Libya from a list of state sponsors of terrorism.

John Semmens got his start writing about politics for his college newspaper. Since then, he has written more than 500 articles that have been published. In addition to "Semi-News," John writes a recurring column for the East Valley Tribune.

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