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JOHN SEMMENS: Semi-News
Muslims Split on Pope’s Remarks Sept. 23, 2006 At issue were remarks by the Pope contending that violence was "incompatible with the nature of God and the nature of the soul" and that the attempt to spread faith by the sword is “evil and inhuman.” Taking a moderate position, Anjem Choudary, in a speech outside Britain’s Westminster Cathedral, demanded the death penalty for the Pope and anyone else who insults Islam. "Muslims take their religion very seriously and non-Muslims must appreciate that and that must also understand that there may be serious consequences if you insult Islam and the prophet,” said Choudary. "Whoever insults the message of Mohammed is going to be subject to capital punishment." Choudary says he is reserving his judgment on whether the Pope should be beheaded or blown up. “The question of means for carrying out the deserved punishment needs further study and debate,” Choudary said. “Beheading by sword would be more scripturally sound, but it may not be practical. There is merit to the argument that separating the head from the body with explosives fulfills the essential intent of the Prophet’s words.” 1,000 Muslim clerics and religious scholars meeting in Pakistan demanded the removal of Pope Benedict for making what they called "insulting remarks" against Islam. Benedict "should be removed from his position immediately for making insulting remarks" against Islam, said a joint statement issued by the clerics. “The pope, and all infidels, should know that no Muslim, under any circumstances, can tolerate an insult to the Prophet. If the West does not change its stance regarding Islam, it will face severe consequences." In addition to the removal of the current Pope, the group demanded that his successor submit all future remarks and writings to them in advance of their release in any medium. “If we are to prevent a repeat of this outrage, we must have final approval of all statements to be made by this infidel leader,” the statement continued. “Abusing so-called ‘freedom of speech’ to insult Islam is an offense that cannot be tolerated. Those who fail to comply sign their own death warrant.” Apu Madrawa, a participant in the meeting, denounced the statement as “spineless.” “We cannot let the infidels get off with just a ‘slap-on-the-wrist.’ said Madrawa. “The Pope must feel the pain of seeing his Christian followers’ blood run in the streets. Nuns must be raped and strangled with the entails of priests. Christian school children must be tormented and massacred. Bishops must be burned alive. Millions of infidels must die before the Pope himself pays for his crime. This is what the Prophet would’ve done. These guys are wimps.” George Washington University professor, Shaggi Noshair, argued that violence in response to the Pope’s remarks was justified because statements such as those quoted by the Pope expressing sentiments some Muslims may find offensive must be viewed as a form of violence. “Violent words beget violent deeds,” said Noshair. “The blood is on the Pope’s hands. He struck the first blow.” Former U.S. President Jimmy Carter has offered to mediate between the disparate Muslim factions. “It pains me to see such senseless squabbling between these devout practitioners of Islam,” Carter said. “I am confident that the factions can be brought together behind a common plan for redressing their grievances.” Carter said he felt confident that he could hold the ultimate death toll well below the millions demanded by the more radical factions of Islam. In related news, Iraqi Muslim women joined other Iraqi Christians during Sunday mass at a Roman Catholic church in Baghdad to renounce violence. Abu Hamza al-Muhajer, reputed head of al-Qaeda in Iraq, released a statement vowing to “track down, slay and mutilate these apostates and infidels.” Democrats to File Copyright Infringement Suit Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez's savaging of President Bush in a recent speech at the United Nations has drawn fire from leading Democrats. "Mocking, degrading and accusing Bush is our turf," said a visibly angered Representative Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.), House Minority Leader. "We have invested years of effort undermining this buffoon. We 'wrote the book,' so to speak." Pelosi says her party is definitely going to do more than just complain about Chavez plagiarizing their words. "Chavez has stolen our words without proper attribution," Pelosi charged. "This is plagiarism and copyright infringement." The suit demands $1 billion in damages be paid by Chavez to the Democratic National Committee. "Apologizing and agreeing not to do it again won't be enough," said Howard Dean, DNC Chairman. "The damage has already been done. Donations to the Democratic Party are down due to Chavez's meddling with our message. We need him to make us whole with an infusion of cash. And we need it now." The suit calls for an immediate payment from Chavez based on two contentions. One holds that irreparable damage will be done if funds are not made available in the current election cycle. The other is that, based on the overwhelming evidence, the suit is likely to prevail. Washington DC circuit judge, Albee Byast, has issued a preliminary order calling for Chavez to pay 10 percent of sought amount. "Anyone who has read a newspaper or listened to broadcast news cannot help but be impressed with the startling similarity between Chavez's words and those of leading spokespersons for the Democratic Party," Byast said. "I can't see anyway the DNC could lose this case. That being said, it would be a miscarriage of justice if Democrats were to lose the election due to the financial and other losses resulting from Chavez's actions. That is why I'm ordering Mr. Chavez to make an immediate $100 million payment now, when it could help avert this outcome and, in the long run, reduce the full amount of damages he would have to pay." Judge Byast was appointed by former President Clinton in 1999. TV Movie Miffs Dems An ABC made-for-TV movie, "The Path to 9/11," has riled the Democratic Party. Democratic National Committee Executive Director, Tom McMahon, blasted the movie before he had even seen it as “a bald-faced attempt to slander Democrats and revise history right before Americans vote in a major election. This film would have us believe that Bill Clinton irresponsibly dallied with an intern while the terrorist threat mounted. This kind of misinformation is a cheap, callous political trick designed to divert attention from Bush Administration failures. As Katie Couric pointed out on the CBS Evening News, the war with the terrorists STARTED on September 11, 2001.” McMahon observed. “Bill Clinton was long out of office on that day and cannot be blamed for these attacks.” Prior to the broadcast, the Democratic senate leadership--Harry Reid (Nev.), Dick Durbin (Ill.), Debbie Stabenow (Mich.), Charles Schumer (N.Y.), and Byron Dorgan (N.D.)—sent a letter to the ABC television network threatened to revoke the company’s broadcast license once Democrats take back control of Congress. “The Communications Act of 1934 provides your network with a free broadcast license predicated on the fundamental understanding of your principle obligation to act as a trustee of the public airwaves in serving the public interest,” the senators wrote. “Congress is the judge of whether the public interest has been served. May we remind you that polls show our Party will regain control of Congress in this November’s election. You would do well to consider this as you weigh how to edit this film or whether to air it at all.” Clinton spokesman, Jay Carson, issued a statement questioning the film's depiction of Clinton's record and suggesting that it wasn't a "serious treatment" of the facts. “The film says nothing about healthcare,” Carson said. “Yet, implementing a nationalized healthcare system was a major focus of the Clinton Administration. Further, President Clinton never ‘dallied’ with an intern. He was mentoring Ms. Lewinski, helping her learn the skills she needed to succeed in politics.” Carson said Mr. Clinton did not watch the movie as it conflicted with his normal evening practice of cruising the streets looking for young women to mentor. Former Clinton Administration Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, said that she has been told by people who have seen the film that it “depicts me as a decrepit hag and blithering idiot.” Representative Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) called the film’s contention that terrorists attacked America during the Clinton years as “ludicrous.” “This film shows terrorists bombing the World Trade Center in 1993,” Pelosi said. “Whoever heard of such a thing? The film even has these alleged terrorists bombing embassies in Africa and, get this, a U.S. Naval vessel. It’s like a global jihad or something. I know movies often take liberties with the truth for dramatic purposes, but this film is pure fantasy.” Senator Reid Proposes "Phased Redeployment" of U.S. Troops Citing what he called the successful redeployment of U.S. troops following the Vietnam War, Senator Harry Reid proposed a similar strategy for the war in Iraq. “In Vietnam, where we had a planned withdrawal, we only lost 58,000 men,” Reid said. “In World War II, where we didn’t have a timetable for withdrawal, we lost 407,000 men.” Reid characterized President Bush’s insistence on victory “foolish hubris.” “Victory is a simplistic notion in today’s world,” Reid asserted. “We need to move beyond the framework of winners vs. losers to a more sophisticated appreciation of cultural differences. Just because people want to kill us doesn’t make it right for us to kill them. On the other hand, a show of conciliation and retreat will soothe the fears of jihadis and give the world a chance for peace.” George Soros, billionaire backer of leftwing political causes, seconded Reid’s remarks. In a speech before an audience at the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace, Soros said, “I have concerns about the similarities between the Bush administration and the Nazis. Hitler’s Germany had an army. Bush’s America has an army. In both cases, these armies have fought on foreign soil. Hitler made speeches defending his aggression. Bush makes speeches defending his aggression. The parallels are uncanny.” Soros reminded his audience that the Bush Administration had made no attempt to negotiate with bin Laden or any of the hijackers on 9/11. “Given the unwillingness of Bush to open a dialog, these men were left with no alternative,” said Soros. “They were driven to desperate acts by the warmongers in Washington.” In related news, Deputy al-Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri has urged a militant Algerian Islamist group to punish "Crusader nation" France, even though it vehemently opposed the U.S.-led war in Iraq. “France is the weak link of the resistance to Islam,” Zawahiri said. “Break this link and the entire chain will fail.” Representative John Murtha (D-Penn) said that this latest epistle from al-Qaeda bolsters his determination to convince the American people that the war against Islamic fascism is unwinnable. Kerry Proposes Abortion Compromise In related news, Senator John Kerry (D-Mass). in a speech at Pepperdine University in California, called for pro-life supporters and abortion proponents to achieve “common ground” between their irreconcilable positions over abortion by “splitting-the-difference.” Under Kerry’s proposal, the government would set up a fund to finance either an abortion or a child birth—the decision to be determined by the flip of a coin. “For too long we’ve allowed selfish individuals to make their own choices on whether to bear a child or to abort it,” Kerry said. “This has led to a disproportionate effect. More minorities and the poor have been forced to have abortions. We need to ensure an unbiased distribution of both abortions and births.” “The pure randomness of the decisive factor under my proposal would put every woman on a ‘level-playing field,’” Kerry said. “This will give all fetuses an equal chance and would help build a common bond between the women.” Kerry’s idea is expected to come up as proposed amendment to the Democrats’ Reducing the Need for Abortion and Supporting Parents Act. That Act aims to reduce the “necessity” for abortions by making condoms more widely available. Dems Woo Christians A new Christian website has been set up to try and change the minds of the many American Christian voters who tend to see the Republicans as their natural party of choice. YourBrotherIsYourKeeper.com is not officially part of the Democrat party. However it claims to comprise religious and political leaders, writers, and regular Americans who are committed to the idea that the government ought to serve as a surrogate “big brother” to the poor, oppressed and marginalized. “The right-wing Christians only offer duty, family and personal responsibility,” said Ellsworth Toohey, web master for the site. “We are appealing to those who hope to be on the receiving end of Christian charity.” Toohey admitted that a web site might not be the most potent of devices for reaching his target audience. “The people we want to represent aren’t those most likely to have access to a computer or have the energy to exert even if they did,” said Toohey. “But all we need are names and addresses. We’ll do the rest of the work to turn these into votes for Democratic candidates.” Toohey brandished a flyer that volunteers will distribute at public housing projects and illegal alien amnesty rallies. The first words on the flyer ask “Are you getting all the Christian charity to which you are entitled? If not, vote Democrat. We will make the rich pay their fair share.” “The Bible says the weak shall inherit the Earth,” Toohey said. “We’re just trying to speed up the process by enlisting the government to do God’s work.” Bush Reading Prowess Sparks Round of Boasts The White House assertion that President Bush has read more than 60 books in the last year sparked a round of boasting by political rivals. Reportedly, Bush’s reading outburst was inspired by a challenge from Karl Rove to match him in a contest to read a book a week. Upon hearing of the claim, former president Jimmy Carter says he read a book a day. “My favorites were ‘Mighty Mouse’ and ‘Crusader Rabbit,’” said Carter. “I knew with these heroes protecting America, we would always be safe.” Former president Bill Clinton admitted that he didn’t have much time for reading when he was in the White House. “I felt it would have been a shame to not has passed on my knowledge and skills to people,” Clinton said. “I spent a lot of time interacting with young people, you know, mentoring them and such. I tried to mentor at least one person a day. I got a lot of satisfaction out of that.” “I’ve already read the important books,” said Senator John Kerry. “I often found myself debating timeless issues, like whether it is really necessary to ‘close cover before striking’ or whether a more ‘open door’ approach would be more enlightened. If the 2004 election hadn’t been stolen from me, I’d be putting the best ideas of the great thinkers into action right now.” “Due to an unfortunate mishap when I was a young man, I was never able to become president,” said Senator Ted Kennedy (D-Mass.). “But I have made it a practice to try to down at least a fifth of good Irish whiskey a day. I’d like to see Bush try that. He’d be under the table before I got my first belch out.” Syria Says U.S. Attacked Its Own Embassy Senior Syrian government officials have accused the US of being behind the assault on its own embassy in downtown Damascus. A Baath party official, speaking on the condition of anonymity, "We in the government are 100 percent sure America was behind this attack, which is not the same as other attacks by Islamic groups." He explained, "It is part of the recurring pattern of staged attacks that Americans have initiated in their quest for world dominance. We saw the Americans crash airplanes into their own buildings in 2001 so they would have an excuse to attack Muslims. We saw them kill President Kennedy so they could invade Vietnam. We saw them attack Pearl Harbor so they could nuke Japan. The trail of evidence is there for all to see.” The official charged that Washington had orchestrated the attack to "prove Syria is filled with terrorists and to put us in a weak position" in order to extract political concessions. Following the attack, Bush administration officials said they hoped the incident had convinced Damascus of the dangers of Islamic terror and the need to cooperate with the West against the phenomenon. Three of the gunmen involved in the attack on the U.S. embassy were killed by Syrian guards during the assault. A fourth was reportedly captured and has confessed to being an agent of the CIA. In the United States, Representative John Conyers (D-Mich.) says he will add this charge to his bill of particulars in the impeachment hearings he plans to hold once Democrats retake control of congress. Dean Complains Republicans Trying to Suppress Democrat Votes Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean sent a letter to Republican National Committee Chairman Ken Mehlman complaining that Republican actions to build a 700 mile fence on the Mexican border and require voters to present a picture ID are “thinly veiled attempts to suppress Democratic voters.” “Isn’t it obvious that the low-wage illegal alien is a likely Democratic voter?” Dean sarcastically asked. “President Bush’s deployment of National Guard troops and Republican attempts to build a fence are directly aimed at a key Democratic constituency. Requiring voters to show an ID is a blatant invasion of privacy and a show of mistrust. I am calling on my Republican counterpart to immediately act to have these desperate, inappropriate attacks on prospective Democratic voters stopped.” In related news, Cole County Circuit Judge Richard Callahan struck down Missouri's new voter identification law, saying it is an unconstitutional infringement on the right to vote. The law required voters to show a federal or Missouri-issued photo ID at the polls. “Say you’re illiterate, or you’ve just entered the country and can’t speak English, or you’re too stupid to be able to find the Motor Vehicle Office that issues IDs,” said Callahan. “Under this law, you would be blocked from voting. Our Constitution says all men are created equal and endowed with the sacred right to vote. This law contradicts this sacred right and is, therefore, unconstitutional.” Chavez Says New Arms Deal to Make Venezuela “an Omnivorous Power” Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez announced further purchases of Russian weapons, saying his country is to become “an omnivorous power.” Venezuela has ordered Antonov airplanes and 14 gunship helicopters, he told the air force academy in a speech in the central city of Maracay. 'We have to safeguard our good friend Cuba against the American satan,” said Chavez. “Cuba is crumbling. I have seen it with my own eyes. The Americans have aided and abetted the escape of Cuba’s best workers by giving them refuge in their materialist cesspool of abundance and prosperity.” Chavez said Russia is to supply Venezuela by year's end with the first of 24 Sukhoi SU-30MK2s, Russia's most sophisticated fighter planes, and 30 Mil Mi-35 assault helicopters that were used in Russia’s unsuccessful war with Afghanistan in the 1980s. Chavez said the new weapons will come in handy when the time comes for him to “excise the tumor.” The “tumor” is the name Chavez has given to the Catholic Church. Meanwhile, Fidel Castro reminded everyone he is “not dead yet” and vowed he will continue running Cuba into the ground until his “last breath.” Al-Turki Episode “Chilling” Say Saudis On Aug. 31, a Colorado court sentenced Al-Turki, a Saudi national, to 27 years in prison for sexually assaulting his maid, forcibly imprisoning her and not paying her wages. Muhammad Al-Enezi, a teacher at one of the largest high schools in Jeddah, asserts that this “intimidation and harassment” will deter other Saudis from going to the United States. Al-Turki, 37, said that US authorities were persecuting him for “traditional Muslim behaviors”. He blamed anti-Muslim prejudice for his conviction and the severity of the sentence. “As a Muslim man, it is my God-given right to abuse women,” said Al-Turki. “It is written in the Quran. There is no higher law. This prosecution is bogus.” “Women are Allah’s gift to Muslim men,” said Jamar Assen, a government employee and father of two. “There is no rape. The woman is an adulterer. It is she who should be punished. I am not going to sacrifice my sons by sending them to the US as long as the Americans continue their persecution of Muslims.” Al_turki has been unsuccessful in his efforts to enlist the American Civil Liberties Union to his cause. “We are conflicted,” admitted ACLU spokesman Bertram Petty. “We would normally consider a woman’s accusation of rape to be dispositive in such cases. However, we also believe that members of a persecuted minority can never be guilty. We are morally and ideologically paralyzed in this case.” “Economic Freedom Fund” Group Dangerous, Warns Kerry Senator John Kerry (D-Mass) warned potential Democratic donors that the same people who funded the “Swiftboat Veterans for Truth” has now formed the “Economic Freedom Fund” to campaign for lower taxes and less government spending. “I am not exaggerating when I say, this is a greater threat to all we hold dear than the so-called terrorists ever could be,” Kerry said. “These people are right here in this country. There is no screening program to interdict them. They are completely free to roam about the country promoting the foul nostrum that we’d be better off if the government taxed people less and cut its spending.” “We already saw how
they duped voters into believing that I was a liar and traitor during
the Vietnam War,” Kerry said. “The American people don’t need to hear
the lies these people tell. I’m asking you to give generously so we can
elect a Democratic majority, take back control of Congress, and outlaw
these kinds of malefactors—putting an end to their propaganda.
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The
Pope’s lecture at Regensburg (Germany) University has driven a wedge
between the ranks of Islam. On the one hand, there are the
traditionalists who demand that the Pope be beheaded for insulting
Islam. On the other hand, there are the modernists who favor blowing the
pontiff to bits via a suicide bomb attack. A third faction favors a more
widespread killing of Christians wherever they may be found.