 |
||||
|
|
JOHN SEMMENS: Semi-News
Kennedy Says Chappaquiddick Reminder 'Dirty Politics' Oct. 21, 2006 “Foley is a pervert, but it isn’t fair to crucify the Speaker over this. He didn’t drive off a bridge and leave a young person in the water, and then have a press conference the next day,” Shays said. “Dennis Hastert didn’t kill anybody.” In 1969, Kennedy drove off a bridge into a tidal pond, Kennedy escaped, but his companion, Mary Jo Kopechne, was drowned after being trapped in the submerged vehicle for several hours. Kennedy pleaded guilty to leaving the scene of an accident, but claimed he did not know the woman was in the car. Kennedy called it “a desperate attack.” “The statute of limitations has expired and the books have long been closed on this unfortunate incident,” Kennedy said. “I’ve been reelected five times since then, for Christ’s sake. The voters have forgiven me. It’s a low blow for anyone to bring that up after so much time has passed.” Kennedy called for Shays to be censured for his remarks. “We have to draw the line somewhere,” Kennedy said. “There has to be some minimum standard of decency for a member of congress. A person who insists on rehashing old crimes is violating the decorum necessary for congress to do its work. There must be a spirit of ‘live-and-let-live’ if we are to get along.” North Korea Threatens to Launch F-Bomb A Korean-Japanese scholar who is considered North Korean leader Kim Jong-il’s unofficial spokesman said that the disappointing reaction to North Korea’s A-Bomb test has left Pyongyang with no choice but to up the ante. “Kim has an F-bomb and he’s not afraid to use it” said Kim Myong-chol, director of the Center for Korean-American Peace, a Japan-based pro-North Korean research agency, said the Stalinist state is ready to do whatever it takes to gain the attention its leaders demands. “Kim Jong-il was very heartbroken that his big test explosion garnered so little reaction,” said Kim. “He was hoping to inspire an aid package like the one he got from President Clinton in 1994. Failing that, he thought he could count on being bombed or invaded. Instead, all that it looks like will happen is for the UN to pass some inane resolution. People are not taking him seriously.” The North’s Foreign Ministry said it developed its F-bomb through intensive analysis of U.S. films. “The Americans foolishly exposed their F-bomb technology,” said Kim Fon-du, Ministry spokesman. “The films of Spike Lee have been especially revealing. We will not hesitate to hurl obscenities in great profusion if that is what it takes to earn the world’s respect for our might.” Kim blamed the United States and others who questioned the authenticity of North Korea’s test for escalating tensions. “If the world continues to ignore us they will have to face extreme consequences,” Kim said. “If the Bush administration makes more provocations, both New York City and Tokyo will be targeted. “There is no place on the planet that is outside the range of our F-bomb.” Former Rep. Studds Eulogized The death of former U.S. Rep. Gerry Studds (D-Mass.), the first openly gay person elected to Congress, inspired praise from some of his former colleagues. “Gerry was the kind of man we all should aspire to be,” said Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-Mass.). “His leadership and courage were unparalleled. He went where few would dare to go. His work with young people staked out new ground. His accomplishments were lengthy and significant. He took a stand on the fisheries bill and some other important stuff that escapes my memory at this sad moment.” “I learned a lot from Gerry,” said Rep. Barney Frank (D-Mass.). “He taught me the ins and outs of Washington politics. He was a man’s man. He’ll be sorely missed.” “Congressman Studds was an inspiration to me,” said former Rep. Mark Foley (R-Fla.). “I wouldn’t have been able to get as far as I did if Studds hadn’t broken down the barriers. He helped make me the man I am today.” Studds, a liberal Democrat who spent more than 20 years in Congress, was censured by the House in the 1980s for having sex with a 17-year-old male page. He was re-elected by Massachusetts voters for five more terms after that. Kerry Says He Deserves Second Chance at Presidency Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass.) says he deserves a second chance if he decides to make another run at becoming president. “Look, I finished in second place in 2004,” Kerry said. “That’s not bad considering all the guys who ran. America could do a lot worse.” Kerry rattled off the deficiencies of some of his rivals. “Are Americans going to vote for Al Bore?” Kerry sarcastically asked. “Or would they prefer a carpetbagging senator who couldn’t even keep her husband from dropping his pants for every bimbo he could lay his hands on? Or a shyster lawyer who channels the dead?” “Let’s face it,” Kerry continued. “It’s a pretty weak field. I, on the other hand, am a decorated combat veteran. I fought in Vietnam, you know. I was nearly killed on three occasions. If I hadn’t had to leave Vietnam because of my wounds we might’ve won that war. Under these circumstances, I think the American people would welcome another opportunity to vote for me.” Edwards Bashes Bush’s Iraq Policies Former Sen. John Edwards (D-N.C.) bashed the Bush administration for "proactive stupidity" by sticking with a failed policy in Iraq and being unable to admit the mistake. “It should be obvious by now that we can’t win a WAR on terror,” Edwards said. “Violence is not the answer. We need a new strategy.” Edwards suggested that this new strategy would seek to bankrupt the terrorists through a series of lawsuits. “My own experience has been that there is no more effective weapon for hurting an adversary than suing him,” Edwards explained. “Right off the bat, your adversary is tied down responding to your charges. He is immediately distracted from his main line of business. Even if you don’t win the suit you still can hurt his operation.” “Of course, I think our chances of winning a suit would be excellent,” Edwards went on. “These guys are on video admitting their responsibility for the damages. I personally have received messages from many of the deceased victims attesting to the pain and suffering they endured. The terrorists’ liability is in the multiple billions of dollars. Their inability to pay such large sums will force them into bankruptcy. They won’t be able to operate legally. They’ll be forced to shut down.” Clinton Says Raise Taxes on Oil Former President Bill Clinton says that taxes hikes on oil will reduce dependence on energy. Clinton threw his support behind Proposition 87, which calls for raising taxes on oil to encourage conservation and fund government research on alternate fuels. "High oil prices are the key to saving the planet,” Clinton told a cheering crowd at the campus. “It will encourage people to forego foolish travel. There is no need for the average person to be driving wherever and whenever he pleases. There is no need for these people to be jetting around the country for frivolous reasons. Oil needs to be conserved for important purposes—like my trip to join you here tonight for this rally.” Proposition 87 has drawn criticism from opponents who claim that raising taxes on oil produced in California would discourage production and make the state more dependent on foreign oil. The California Taxpayers Association (CTA) and several public safety groups are opposing the proposition. “A couple of months ago these Democrats were saying high prices were wrecking the economy and that it was Bush’s fault,” said Tom Swift, spokesman for the CTA. “Now they’re saying high prices are a good thing? It makes no sense.” Clinton explained the apparent inconsistency. “Bush’s high prices weren’t the result of higher taxes,” Clinton pointed out. “The money was all flowing to the private sector where all it would do is encourage companies to supply more fuel. This would just perpetuate wasteful travel. Prop 87 extracts the money from consumers and funnels it into projects selected by the government. There would be no risk of inducing increased supplies of gasoline that would undermine the conservation objective.” Book Says White House Abuses Evangelicals Former senior presidential aide David Kuo has written a book accusing the Bush administration of privately ridiculing evangelicals. The book is “Tempting Faith: An Inside Story of Political Seduction.” Kuo portrays the Bush White House's commitment to evangelical causes as little more than a cynical facade designed to win votes. “Bush is in league with the devil,” Kuo said. “Secret satanic rites were held in the White House basement during every full moon. Children would be roasted and eaten. I saw it all with my x-ray vision.” The events were often accompanied by cruel humor according to Kuo. “One time, Bush cracked ‘I will eat no child’s left behind,’” Kuo said. “This set off gales of laughter. These are sick, sadistic bastards.” According to Kuo, the children sacrificed were all obtained from orphanages run by evangelicals. Additional accusations include the charge that Vice-president Cheney is a werewolf and Condolezza Rice a vampire. “I have seen Cheney savagely mutilate staffers,” said Kuo. “One time a bat flew at me. I knew it was Condi.” Kuo says that a super sunscreen formula developed by the military-industrial complex was what enabled Secretary of State Rice to appear during daylight hours. “You know sun light is fatal to vampires,” Kuo explained. “But Condi has a special cream that blocks its harmful rays. That’s how she can go out in the daytime.” Kuo said that he didn’t come forward with this information earlier because his agent advised him that it would be more profitable to expose these horrors by writing a book. Venezuela Stunned by Failure to Win UN Seat Venezuelan diplomats were surprised by their country's failure to muster enough votes to win a UN Security Council seat in ten rounds of voting. Venezuelan diplomat Roy Chattertooth, an envoy who played a key role in lobbying on behalf of President Hugo Chavez's government, said he couldn’t understand the turn of events. “We are just as anti-American as most of the other members of the Security Council,” Chattertooth said. “In fact, we have recently been a leader in denouncing the United States. Why must we be singled out and denied the opportunity take this seat?” Francisco Arias Cardenas, Venezuela's ambassador to the UN, said that Washington was using "brutal pressure" to keep Venezuela off the council. “That the United States would vote against Venezuela’s membership and ask others to do the same confirms President Chavez’s warning to the world,” Cardenas said. “This shows that the United States is the real terrorist nation.” In an appearance at the UN a few weeks ago, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez mockingly claimed to smell sulfuric odors after Bush had previously given a speech at the same podium and asserted that President Bush might be Satan himself. Chavez has offered free
fuel to anyone willing to fly a plane into the UN building. “This insult
must be avenged,” Chavez said. “We must show the world that
disrespecting us carries a heavy price.”
|
| ||
The
rancorous debate over disgraced ex-Rep. Mark Foley took an unexpected
turn when Rep. Chris Shays (R-Conn.) said indiscretions with a page were
nothing compared to Sen. Ted Kennedy’s (D-Mass.) Chappaquiddick
incident.