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JOHN SEMMENS: Semi-News
Economy’s Growth Further Evidence of Republican Malfeasance Say Democrats
Feb. 2, 2007 For all of 2006, the gross domestic product (GDP) increased by 3.4 percent. That was an improvement from a 3.2 percent showing in 2005. GDP measures the value of all goods and services produced within the United States and is the most frequently used barometer of the country’s economic standing. Democrats have dismissed these economic statistics. “Polls show that only 35 percent of Americans think the president is doing a good job,” said Democratic National Committee Press Secretary Stacie Paxton. “The Department of Commerce’s statistics, no matter how rosy, cannot overcome the negative impression we and the media have worked so hard to communicate.” “Unemployment and inflation may be low,” Paxton continued. “Homeowners’ equity may be rising. Investors’ stocks may be reaching new highs. Workers’ pension funds may be appreciating. But how many people know this? It is our message that is winning the day. We say that it’s time to carve up the capitalist ‘golden goose’ so everyone can get their fair share. The voters are with us on this and we intend to deliver. We’re taking back Bush’s tax cuts and there isn’t anything the Republicans can do about it.” A report from the Goldwater Institute, revealed that states with low taxes saw an average decline of 11.7 percent in poverty rates, while high tax states saw an average increase of 2.7 percent. “Although advocates justify high taxes for the sake of the poor and children, the truth of the matter is that taking money out of the private sector slows job creation and income growth,” the report stated. “High taxes and wasteful spending destroy wealth and hurt the poor. Though low taxes and a favorable business climate aren’t the only factors in reducing poverty rates -- personal initiative and responsibility play important roles, too -- they are among the most instrumental.” Paxton said the Goldwater report confirmed Democrats’ warnings. “We’ve been trying to tell people that Republicans hate the poor,” Paxton said. “This report from a right-wing lobby shows that poor people disappear from states where Republicans are in charge. A whole lifestyle is being eliminated. Putting a stop to this is high on the Democratic Party’s agenda.” In related news, Senate Banking Committee Chairman Christopher Dodd (D-Conn.) said it has come to his attention that the credit card industry is extending money to people without knowing in advance how it will be spent. “Whenever my daughters have asked me for money I’ve always made sure it was for a worthwhile purpose before I gave it to them,” Dodd said. “I don’t just hand them cash, no questions asked. But this seems to be what these credit card companies are doing. That’s not responsible supervision.” Dodd vowed to bring these businesses under heightened scrutiny in the months ahead and said that “they should cease and desist advancing money for frivolous purchases, irrespective of the current legality of such practices. These companies should be taking a long, hard look at how their customers intend to spend the money before they let them have it. Many people are getting themselves into debt buying foolishly. If these firms cannot or will not put a stop to this congress may have to do it for them.” New Light Shed on Kerry’s Withdrawal from 2008 Presidential Race Senator John Kerry (D-Mass.) added more clarification to his surprising decision to bow out of the 2008 presidential race when he announced at the World Economic Forum Annual Meeting in Davos, Switzerland, that he was “king of the world.” “It doesn’t matter that American voters rejected me in 2004,” Kerry told a stunned audience at a plenary session on “Weevil Control in Less Developed Countries.” “It doesn’t matter that 53 percent of Americans disapprove of the job I’m doing as United States Senator. Because I’m king of the world.” Kerry said he knew he was king of the world when he discovered a tee-shirt with that title in his luggage when he unpacked after arriving for the conference. “I didn’t pack that shirt,” Kerry reminded the audience. “Its miraculous appearance on the eve of this important conference is a sign that a higher power has picked me for this vital role.” As his first act under this newly granted authority, Kerry declared the United States an “international pariah.” “The American electorate’s failure to make me president in 2004 sent a terrible message of duplicity and hypocrisy to the rest of the world,” Kerry said. “I was the chosen one. All the other world leaders wanted me to lead America. I tried to explain that to voters, but they were too obtuse to grasp the significance of this fact. They have made America an international pariah.” Kerry said he would be seeking counsel from these other world leaders before deciding what sort of punishment he should mete out to the people of the United States. An embarrassed Teresa Heinz Kerry, Senator Kerry’s wife, explained that she had packed the tee-shirt as a gag gift prior to the senator’s departure for the conference. “It was meant as joke consolation for his dropping out of the presidential race,” she said. “Sometimes he’s so full of himself that he can’t help behaving like an ass.” In related news, Speaker Pelosi’s arrival in Baghdad was followed by dancing in the streets and a spirited rendition of “Ding Dong the Witch Is Dead” by Iraqis under the mistaken impression that her plane had crashed. California to Ban Conventional Light Bulbs by 2012 California State Assembly Member, Lloyd Levine (D-Van Nuys), in what he labeled a “dual bid to save the environment and the economy,” wants to make his state the first to ban incandescent light bulbs. “Incandescent light bulbs were first developed 125 years ago, and since that time they have undergone no major modifications,” Levine said. “They are energy inefficient and they make our most important citizens--the stars of our film industry—look bad. Many of our beloved favorites have, regrettably, grown older and uglier. The glare of incandescent lighting puts their wrinkles and other flaws into garish prominence. This is both demoralizing for all of us and a threat to the state’s economy.” Levine is expected to introduce the legislation this week, his office said. Under Levine’s bill, anyone caught with a banned bulb would face up to five-years in prison for a first offense. “The ag inspection stations on our borders will be the first line of defense,” Levine said. “In addition to ensuring that dangerous fruits and vegetables don’t enter our state, we will also seize illegal bulbs. Those attempting to bring in bulk quantities will face the full penalty of law. Out-of-staters who inadvertently are carrying one or two bulbs will be let off with a warning. Everywhere else will be a ‘zero tolerance’ zone.” The ban is expected to spark a surge in candle sales, which “yield a softer, more forgiving light,” according to Levine. Levine estimates that one billion dollars a year will be required for enforcement efforts that will include “no-knock” search authority and a 24/7 “snitch line” for people to report violations committed by neighbors. In related news, aging film star, Jessica Lange says she has been inspired by former vice-president Al Gore to fight to save the environment. “Everything Al Gore is working for now is worthwhile and worth paying attention to,” Lange said. “We’ve all got to make sacrifices for a better world. For example, the number one threat to our environment is the car. The best sacrifice most Americans can make is to give up driving like I have. From now on, my chauffeur will take me wherever I need to go.” Immigrants Pressure Congress An alliance of immigrant advocates called on Democrats in Congress to take measures recognizing the rights of undocumented immigrants and the evolving cultural changes sweeping the nation. “The language in Washington, D.C., is different from the language here at the grass-roots level,” said Carlos Arango, the executive director of Casa Aztlan, a cultural center for the Mexican community. “We are bilingual. They are uni-tongued Anglos.” The United Front of Immigrants released a set of demands that included suspending construction of a fence along the border, establishing a path to citizenship for illegal immigrants and eventual deportation of all Anglos back to Europe. “By rights, this land belongs to us,” Arango asserted. “Our Indian ancestors were here first. The Whites stole it from us. We are only reclaiming what is ours.” Arango insisted these demands are “reasonable.” “The Anglos will be given a reasonable opportunity to get their affairs in order before they have to leave,” Arango said. “And Whites who are at least one-fourth Latino or Indian or who are married to a Latino or Indian and can speak Spanish or a native language will be allowed to stay.” Arango claims that U.S. Rep. Luis Gutierrez (D-Ill.), Senator Ted Kennedy (D-Mass.) and Senator John McCain (R-Ariz.) are working on a bill to implement the “necessary immigration reforms.” Hilary Wants All US Troops Out of Iraq Before She Assumes the Presidency in 2009 Speaking at a gathering in Iowa, site of the first test for 2008 presidential hopefuls, U.S. presidential candidate Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY) said that President Bush must withdraw all U.S. troops from Iraq before he leaves office, saying it would be “the height of irresponsibility to pass the war along to me.” “I’ve had enough of cleaning up after one president,” Clinton said. “I don’t want to have to clean up after another.” Pressed for details, Clinton angrily suggested that Bush “should put the troops back where he found them. He knows very well where they belong. When you take something out you have to put it away when you’re done with it. I went through these battles with Bill. I don’t think I should have to go through them with George Bush.” The White House criticized Senator Clinton’s remarks as “out of line.” “Hilary’s not my mama,” Bush said. “I’ll put the troops back when I’m finished. It might be before I leave office. It might not. The commanders in the field will tell me when. I’m not going to be bossed around by Senator Clinton. I’m the decider, not her.” Mexican Drug Dealer to Sue U.S. The drug smuggler shot by two U.S. Border Patrol agents is planning to sue the federal government for $5 million. Walter Boyaki, the El Paso, Texas-based attorney for Osvaldo Aldrete-Davila, said he will sue the government for wrecking his client’s business. “Osvaldo was making $100,000 a month from his export/import business,” Boyaki said. “Now he is laid up with an embarrassing and incapacitating injury. We are seeking both compensatory damages for lost profits and punitive damages for the indignities Osvaldo has suffered.” Border Patrol Agents Ignacio Ramos and Jose Compean recently began serving prison sentences after being convicted of shooting Aldrete-Davila. The pair encountered the drug smuggler in February of 2005 driving a van containing 743 pounds of marijuana. When the Mexican tried to flee, the agents shot him in the buttocks. “They violated my client’s rights,” Boyaki said. “And the damages are mounting up. He’s got customers whose deliveries have been interrupted. This is trashing his business reputation and endangering future sales. His employees are too frightened to carry on in the climate of violence created by out-of-control border guards. They are demanding raises. His family has had to cancel their European vacation. He has no money to buy gifts for his mistress. It’s a real tragedy.”
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The
economy grew at a faster-than-expected 3.5 percent pace in the final
quarter of 2006. The report on business activity, released by the
Commerce Department, revealed that the economy has managed to keep on
moving despite the ill-effects of the residential real estate bust. The
economy’s performance in the fourth quarter exceeded analysts’ forecasts
for a 3 percent growth rate.