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JOHN SEMMENS: Semi-News
Study Shows Need for 'Hush Rush' Legislation, Democrats Say
March 27, 2007 The study asserts that the Fox News network influenced enough voters in to the 2000 presidential race to throw the election to Bush. According to the study, the vote shift from Gore to Bush due to Fox News was 10,757 votes in Florida. This was larger than Bush’s 537 vote margin of victory. “We cannot allow biased reporting of the news to decide the outcome of elections,” Kucinich said. “We have to restore the ‘Fairness Doctrine’ so we get balance in talk radio and at Fox News--like there is in the rest of the media.” Representative Maurice Hinchey (D-N.Y.) and Senator Bernie Sanders (S-Vermont) are sponsoring the “Media Ownership Reform Act” (MORA) as a vehicle for restoring the Fairness Doctrine. “Under this bill, if Rush Limbaugh shoots his mouth off, he must give equal access to our side,” Hinchey said. “The American public will begin to get both sides or all sides of an issue. That is basic – fundamental to a democracy.” Critics have dubbed the bill the “Hush Rush Law.” But Hinchey contends his bill is even-handed. “The right-wingers over at CBS, NBC, and the rest will all be required to give access to our side,” Hinchey insisted. “Government control over what the media says is the only way we can head-off a fascist takeover of America.” Tasty Food Called Unhealthy The Center for Science in the Public Interest (CSPI) has added Chinese food to its “do not eat” list. Citing Chinese food’s high caloric and sodium content, a CSPI spokesman warned diners to cut back on its consumption. A plate of General Tso’s chicken, for example, has 1,300 calories and 3,200 milligrams of sodium. This is 40 percent more sodium and 50 percent calories than necessary for an average meal. “Our basic ‘rule-of-thumb’ at the Center is ‘if it’s tasty it’s nasty,’” said Bonnie Liebman, nutrition director of CSPI. “If you insist on eating at a Chinese restaurant we recommend you skimp on the meat and skip the sauces. Try a plate of plain brown rice and a little tofu. It’s on the unpalatable side, but that’s good. You won’t be tempted to overeat.” CSPI’s condemnation of Chinese food follows earlier scathing reviews of Italian and Mexican restaurants. “We’re not singling out any ethnic food,” Liebman said. “They’re probably all bad. We just haven’t gotten around to all of them yet.” Man Sentenced to Prison for Gouging out Wife’s Eyes A French court sentenced Mohamed Hadfi to 30 years in prison for blinding his 23-year-old wife Samira Bari by gouging out her eyes. The attack stemmed from a heated argument after she refused to have sex with him and demanded a divorce. Hadfi’s lawyer, Jean-Pierre Cabanes, unsuccessfully pled “extenuating circumstances.” “This is the result of a marriage that was arranged, not chosen,” Cabanes said. “There are cultural differences. My client is from Morocco, where, I understand, such behaviors are customary.” Cabanes also begged the jury for leniency, pointing to his client’s “mental illness.” “Hadfi is, after all, a Muslim,” Cabanes pointed out. “That in itself could be considered evidence of mental illness.” In related news, a German judge dismissed a woman’s plea for an expedited divorce from her abusive husband on the grounds that the couple is Muslim. “The Koran permits a husband to discipline his wife,” the court order read. “Moderate beatings and, sometimes death, may be meted out to disobedient females. We cannot blindly impose Western standards on people of another culture.” New Mexico Governor Says He’d Tear Down Border Wall Presidential candidate and Governor Bill Richardson (D-N. Mex) says that the wall being erected on the U.S.-Mexico border should not be built. “It’s bad policy. It was done to get Gingo votes,” Richardson said. “And the next president should not build it. I wouldn’t build it. If any part of it is built I will tear it down if I am president.” Richardson argued that the wall is also bad for the environment. “The wall interferes with natural Latino migratory patterns,” Richardson said. “They come north to feed in the lush Norte Americano economy. They often send money back to help rear their offspring.” “Blocking these traditional migratory paths could lead to isolated populations, excessive inbreeding, and genetic deterioration,” Richardson added. “This would lead to Latino genocide.” Richardson called for all Latinos to unite behind his presidential bid. “By electing a fellow Latino, Mexicans can insure their future,” Richardson urged. Mugabe Shrine under Construction in Zimbabwe The Zimbabwe government announced plans to build a massive shrine to President Robert Mugabe in the President’s home district of Zvimba. A senior government source said that Mugabe wants construction of the shrine to start as soon as possible. The Zimbabwean dictator has already instructed the Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe to raise US$400 000 in foreign currency to buy elephant dung for the project. Local Government Minister Ignatius Chombo, who has been selected to oversee the construction of the shrine, said the project is his top priority. “Look, President Mugabe is 83 years-old,” Chombo observed. “He can’t last much longer. It’s important to get this done before he’s gone. Otherwise, I see no way it can be done.” Chombo said he has conferred with Mugabe and is confident he understands his mission. “President Mugabe is anxious that his people have an impressive statue of him that they can pull down once he is out of power,” Chombo said. “He told me he wants to join the ranks of notables like Stalin and Lenin whose people had the pleasure of tearing down their statues. To ordinary people this may sound crazy, but that is why they are ordinary while President Mugabe is great.” In related news, Zimbabwe’s inflation rate is expected to top 5000% this year. Currency that was worth one dollar at the beginning of the year will be worth about two cents by the end of the year. The regime attributes this accomplishment to its program to “stamp out capitalistic materialism.” “Money is the root of all evil,” said Finance Minister Umbe Beggarbo. “We are destroying this evil to save our people from the temptations of wealth.” Hillary’s New Fund-Raising Idea: Special One Night Stands with Bill Clinton In a test of its fund-raising potential, former President Bill Clinton has offered himself for a series of “one-night-stands” in an effort to boost his wife’s presidential campaign. For a fee of $100,000, each donor will have exclusive access to the undivided attention of the former chief executive from 11 p.m. to 7 a.m. on the selected day. The actual activities for these “one-night-stands” has been left deliberately vague. “I’m up for almost anything,” Clinton said. “I expect a lot of women will want to experience me. This will be their chance. And the money’s all for a good cause.” In related news, Democrats were reportedly “disheartened” by a recent study by Drs. Paul and Kirk Cameron indicating that the percentage of the adult population that engages in homosexual behavior appears to be less than 2 percent. “I would’ve thought our efforts in the media, legislatures, and schools would’ve had a greater impact,” said a Democratic National Committee source who spoke on condition of anonymity. “But I guess the GOP’s campaign of terror and intimidation against gays is keeping the vast majority of them in the closet.” Al Gore Rejects TV Debate on Global Warming Lord Monckton, a former policy adviser to Margaret Thatcher during her years as Prime Minister, has seen his challenge to debate global warming rejected by former Vice-President Al Gore. “I have seen Mr. Gore’s film,” said Monckton. “‘An Inconvenient Truth,’ is a foofaraw of pseudo-science, exaggerations, and errors, now being peddled to innocent schoolchildren worldwide. By refusing to debate, Mr. Gore has bolstered his profound ignorance with a large dollop of cowardice.” Gore rebuffed the debate challenge saying “The issue has already been settled. There’s nothing to debate. Every reputable scientist agrees that humans are wrecking the climate. The challenge itself is a disreputable attempt to muddy the waters and delay the necessary transfer of power to those of us pledged to save the planet.” “I don’t know how many times I’ve told everyone that this is a moral issue,” Gore continued. “Opposition to our moral course of action is, by dint of logic, immoral. We don’t need to hear from the advocates of immorality. We need to make the sacrifices necessary to atone for our sins against Mother Earth. I’ve shown the way. It’s up to everyone to follow it.” University Brain Drain Evidence is emerging that going to college may make you dumber. At the University of California, freshman who took a national test focusing on history and general knowledge scored an average of 60 percent. Seniors, averaged only 55 percent on the same test. Fifteen other Universities reported similar results. University of California Chancellor, Robert J. Birgeneau, said he was neither surprised nor dismayed by these results. “A large part of our efforts are aimed at cleansing the minds of our students,” Birgeneau said. “We need to empty the heads of our incoming freshmen so they can be refilled with more acceptable content later. I admit I am somewhat disappointed that we weren’t able to wash out more than the 5 percent indicated by this test.” Birgeneau suggested that repeated exposure to a predominately right-wing media and culture may be diluting the influence of the faculty in achieving “true enlightenment.”
John Semmens' Semi-News Archives:
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Representative
Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio) says that a study titled “The Fox News Effect:
Media Bias and Voting,” by Steano Della Vigna of the University of
California at Berkeley and Ethan Kaplan, of Stockholm University,
supports his contention that legislation is needed to “level the playing
field of American politics.”