The latest recreational sport in Arizona is debate between those in favor of and opposed to the Protect Marriage Arizona initiative, which will outlaw homosexual marriage and civil unions and prevent government organizations from awarding domestic partner benefits. KTAR Radio in Phoenix featured a debate on the topic Friday morning, and Glen Stanton of Focus on the Family addressed the subject in a Center for Arizona Policy luncheon that followed at Southwestern College in Paradise Valley.

Stanton is the senior analyst for marriage and sexuality and the director of social research and cultural affairs for Focus on the Family. His speaking topic was "Straight Thinking on Gay Marriage: Intelligently Answering the "Same-Sex Family Proposal." He said that those pushing the homosexual marriage agenda understand where the battle lies: at the water cooler in the work place and in the church pew. The defenders of marriage need to understand the same thing, he said.

"We are winning the life debate now because we changed the debate," Stanton said. "We have got a long battle to fight (on marriage)."

From his vast experience of speaking to a wide variety of groups on the marriage issue, Stanton has identified common questions about marriage. He outlined each of those questions and then offered a commonsense answer to each.

1) How will same-sex marriage hurt your marriage?

This is one of the best questions the other side has, Stanton observed. If it were just about one homosexual couple, there may be no harm and perhaps an agreement could be reached.

“But it is all of you asking us to radically change the definition of marriage,” Stanton responds. “You are telling my daughters that they will not be essential to the family, that they can be replaced by two men. Or it could be two women telling my son that he will not be essential to a family. I will never allow that to happen. It hurts every one of us, regardless of ideology or background. It is a dangerous thing to do."

2) Is same-sex marriage like inter-racial marriage?

Stanton: "This comes up in every single debate. It is rooted in the Loving v. Virginia came for inter-racial marriage. Segregation was a significant social problem. The desire for same-sex marriage is not a social problem. Marriage is about bridging the divide of humanity. Marriage celebrates the difference of the sexes. Same-sex marriage does
not. Marriage brings the two parts of humanity together. Does any data say that inter-racial marriage is harmful? No. There are thousands of studies which show that intentionally motherless or fatherless homes are harmful. How can anybody try to compare these two issues?"

3) Where does it stop?

According to Stanton, the very first Massachusetts same-sex marriage couple in line to get their license in May of 2004 said they have an open relationship and can love other people, too. “These people want to radically re-define marriage. These weren't the 10th or the 100th people in line, but the first.”

Stanton pointed out the hypocrisy of Cheryl Jacques, former head of the Human Rights Campaign, who said of polygamy: “I don't believe in that."

“Cheryl, how come your desire for same-sex marriage is okay then?” Stanton asks. “You can't have it both ways.”

Speech control will be next, Stanton predicts. “Imagine that saying children need a mother and a father being called ‘hate speech.’ Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney said that and the Boston Globe called it ‘divisive’ and ‘mean-spirited.’ An eighth-grade teacher in Massachusetts explained lesbian sex to her class and when parents complained, she said, ‘Give me a break, it's legal.’”

Textbooks will all be also changed, further undermining family values and beliefs.

4) We just want civil marriage; and

5) Can't some have religious marriage and others civil marriage?

Civil marriage will lead to same-sex marriage as part of the left’s attempt to make incremental gains. Stanton cited a Canadian church that was challenged for not allowing a lesbian wedding reception to be held there. “Don't believe opposition won't be challenged,” he said.

6) Does marriage provide a common good?

Stanton cites four primary jobs of marriage:

1) socializes men
2) regulates sexuality
3) protects women
4) provides a mom and a dad

”You can't believe the venom that comes from college campuses when I mention the first of these four,” Stanton said. “Marriage is the great democratizer that levels the playing field for women. Women are not a commodity to be collected by other men. When you set sex free from marriage, women do not fare well; women are not as likely to be beaten by their husbands. In cohabitation, women are much more likely to be beaten because the relationship is on the man's terms.

7) Is it healthy to put children in experimental families?

To answer this question, Stanton cites entries from “The Lesbian Parenting Book,” which says it can be “exhilarating” and “scary” to “paint a new lesbian family tree.”

Stanton counters, “It may be thrilling for adults, but you don't bring children along for the ride.” He noted that this book questioned the effect on boys in lesbian homes. “There is no parenting ethic that thinks that's good. They don't even get it; they think ‘it's about us, it's not about the child.’ It's a journey through ‘uncharted waters,’ they say.”

A Drake University professor once asked Stanton what if same-sex marriage only is about adults. “It's not about that.” Stanton says, “They are going to want to adopt children and there will be consequences.”

8) But haven't medical and psychological groups said same-sex parenting is fine?

Yes, but those conclusions were more political than scientific. Stanton displayed an email message from members of the American Association of Psychologists (AAP) that says the AAP received more messages -- almost all of them critical -- on this decision than anything else and “this makes it harder for the AAP to be used for positive change.”

We haven't had the experiment yet, Stanton says. “We don't have a large population of SSM-raised kids for a long period of time. Research is just beginning, but the AAP has already made a conclusion.”

9) How do we know what kind of families children need?

”We have had a long-term experiment with fatherlessness and cohabitation and know the harms,” Stanton said. “The presence of two biological parents present is the best outcome. The Center for Law And Social Policy said children do best when raised by their two married, biological parents. There is no research that even hints that love alone makes the difference. It's biological. It's not about how much children are loved but about what they need.”

Author Judith Wallerstein found similarities in SSM and the harmful legacy of divorce. The history of divorce is replete with unwarranted assumptions about children. The same can be said by substituting the affect of SSM on children.

10) Does gender really matter?

SSM advocates say that men and women are just different parts, but at the core there is no difference. Stanton believes, “That is a horrible way to view humanity. SSM is anti-humanity. What makes a human family? Any family denying mother and father is not a human family. Humanity is divided up by genders. Marriage celebrates both sides of that. SSM proponents say that doesn't matter.”

Stanton concluded: “As we engage our opponents in a loving way, we have to speak past what marriage means to them and say ‘no, marriage itself matters.’”